


I Hurt You

by chocosunshine



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (Kind of Friends with Benefits..), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bonding, Dubious Consent, Friends With Benefits, Implied Mpreg, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mild Blood, Miscommunication, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Noren, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Time Skips, Violence, jenren, renjun centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2020-06-30 14:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19854883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocosunshine/pseuds/chocosunshine
Summary: “I hurt you”“I know-” His voice cracked. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his hands trembled grabbing his shirt. The hole on his chest grew deeper as the lie -told to himself- left his lips “I know you mean you love me”Renjun will do anything in order to stop feeling lonely. Even if it means that he will have to break is own heart in pieces, and feed Jeno with them.





	1. He feels lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Since English is not my first language, I apologize beforehand for any mistake.

Renjun wanted a mark.

Well, not just a mark. Renjun wanted to be marked. He wanted to be bonded. Or at least that was his conclusion after staring at the ceiling for half an hour, questioning why he had to be born as an omega and suffer from his heat every two months. The boy had woken up with a small fever and a heavy feeling in his head. This time, it had arrived earlier. Something was slightly tickling inside him, and he knew that if he did not take his suppressants, he would have to lock himself in his room to spend the next days horny and unsatisfied… and sweaty… and lonely. He had come to the conclusion that if he was bonded, things would not be as unpleasant as it was now. He would spend his heats only… horny and sweaty. He wanted to be marked not because of the mark per se.

Having a mark meant having someone.

He tangled himself on his sheets while looking for his phone. A small curse left his lips as he noticed how late he was. Less than a month since the beginning of the semester and he was already making his way on the blacklist of his professor.

“No, no, no,” he whined as his hands reached the empty packet of suppressants. His phone rang, and he cursed again.

_ The test has been rearranged. Classroom B203. 40 minutes. _

He looked at his reflection on the mirror. He brushed his now-light brown hair with his fingers. A slight blush covered his cheeks.

“It’s nothing you can’t handle,” he told himself. He had until midnight, probably. His lunch break will be traded for a trip to the pharmacy.

  
  


🌸

  
  


Except that he did not have a lunch break. Sometimes the stars align and conspire to make your day as terrible as possible. Today—Renjun thought—was the day chosen for him.

“I’m telling you. Don’t you dare think that you can play on me. Last semester, you made me do half of the project alone. Don’t try to–”

He felt a headache start forming at the back of his head as the female beta complained to their other beta teammate. Yes, he was stuck on the third floor of the library trying to finish a group work due next week. Since his groupmates did not share anything but that class—and since half of his group has some sort of unsorted issues regarding lack of cooperation—they needed to work it out right now. It was past nine and not even half of it was done.

He bit his bottom lip, trying to distract himself from the bickering across the table. He needed to finish half of the chapter to answer at least some questions. He would have to draft some things and excuse himself by saying he will send everything before the end of the week. The tickling inside his body had been somehow calmed down by the cheap suppressants from the nurse office. He was not going to keep walking around with his heat coming so soon. He knew that he needed to buy his suppressants. Taking them now will not completely fade out his heat, but at least it will lessen the symptoms. He reprimanded himself for not noticing that he had already run out of them. The ones from the nurse’s office were only a last resort but due to the not-so-pleasant bickering from the betas, he had surrendered. He kind of blamed it on his omega part being submissive. That, and the fact that the beta, who was the professor’s hand-picked leader in charge of scoring half of his grade, had made a not-so-pleasant comment about omegas taking advantage of their conditions.

“Where did you go?” His eyes switched from his computer screen to the last member of his team, an alpha, approaching the table. He held his breath.The black-haired boy raised his hand, showing off a can of coffee as a response to the female beta.

“Thank you, Lee. You are so considerate.” The male beta mocked, seeing only one can of coffee. The aforementioned alpha sat down two seats from Renjun. He watched as he put his wallet inside his backpack, located on the seat between the omega and him, not even bothering to look at the beta. They stared at the alpha as he arranged the hoodie over his head.

“You’re not good with words. Right, Jeno?” Silence. The beta rolled her eyes.

Lucky for him that the alpha had caught a cold a few days ago and was using a mask that covered half of his face. Renjun knew that his scent was not a strong one and, according to a friend of a friend—Mark—not as appealing as it was supposed to be. Mark was an alpha, and… Renjun had felt quite disappointed then. Yep, he had felt worse when Donghyuck—the friend and an omega—had told him how the alpha did not find Renjun alluring at all. But, well… it was another common thing in his life. None of his teammates had said a thing so far. Neither had he received glances from the other people who were on the same floor. The alpha took a sip of the coffee and rearranged the mask covering his nose as he started to type again on his computer. He was still safe. 

The table returned to being silent.

Renjun let out a breath, not noticing for how long he had held his breath. Just a little more.

He decided to concentrate on his work and finish it as soon as possible. Before he continued working, he checked his email for any new messages. Well, for any message from Donghyuck.

Renjun’s day had not been good at all. He forgot his phone at home and only noticed it halfway to the train station he had no time to return. He had asked his friend to buy him suppressants since that is what friends—omega friends—do for each other. But since afternoon there had been no answer. He bit his bottom lip again, trying to somehow relieve some of his nervousness. If Donghyuck does not buy them, it’d be big trouble. He brushed off his worries as he went back to reading his textbook.

He was going to be okay. As long as he had Donghyuck… he was going to be okay.

🌸

But Donghyuck was out of the city. Which meant that things were not going to be okay.

His chest started to beat faster every minute. He tried to calm himself by brushing a hand on his nape. His own thumb made circles on his skin. He kept tapping his feet on the floor, trying to distract himself. The moment he had tried to slip out the beta had ordered him to shut up and sit. And he had done as he was told. That was around ten. Not even he himself understood why he had obeyed. He tried to reason it as having suppressed his heat for so long and letting it spill out now.

Just a couple more of pages and–

“Are you sweating?”

The pen in his hands fell at hearing what the male beta across the table pointed out.

He gulped as the beta stared at him.

At that moment, Renjun noticed how wet the palms of his hands were. His nape too. His eyes opened wide and his heart stopped a beat. The attention of the other two turned to him.

He should have smelled him.

He felt shivers down his spine as he saw the beta wrinkling his nose as he tried to sniff him.

He knew he needed to go. Now.

“I—” He pushed back his chair, making it screech, drawing the attention of the few remaining people on that floor. His hands started to tremble.

“Renjun?” The female beta sounded concerned, and he felt something suffocate him. Something was putting pressure on the middle of his chest, making breathing hard.

“Sorry,” he managed to say, taking all his things and putting them into his bag. He wanted to get out as fast as possible, feeling all the attention on him. He stood up too fast, making him lose his balance and collide with the chair next to him. His knees and hands turned numb. Tears started to form.

He was splattered over the floor next to his things and the alpha’s. The three people sharing the table with him looked at him, but his eyes fixed on the one whose things were also scattered on the floor.

None of them blinked at the eye contact.

Tears were going to burst at any moment.

“You ok?” The beta intervened, standing up and trying to reach for him.

A hot tear ran down his cheek.

His head was pounding.

The alpha pulled down the mask covering his nose. He opened his mouth, taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he interrupted before the alpha could say anything.

He broke the eye contact and quickly took whatever was close to his reach and shoved them into his bag.

He’ll apologize, but not now.

He ran.

He ran as fast as possible.

He started to feel dizzy the moment he reached the first floor. He never was good at sports, and in his condition, he was even worse. He struggled to open the door of the library, but, once he did, the cool breeze made him shiver. He even forgot his jacket upstairs. For some reason the warm spring weather was late, but that was the least of his worries.

His rented apartment was only three stops from the train station. After the station, it was a five-minute walk. That’s it. He was free to spend the next three days on a lock-down. As it was Tuesday and already close to midnight, not many people were there. He considered running to his apartment, but he was sure he would not make it. He just walked fast as he crossed the campus, trying to not lose balance. He repeated what he had to do in order to distract himself from the itch between his legs.

Leave the campus, go to the station, do–

“Wait!” He stumbled on his feet as the word reached his ears. It was not an order, but it was an alpha talking to him.

It was Jeno.

He saw the alpha run after him. He had already crossed half of the campus, almost reaching the main gate. A knot formed in his stomach.

Nervousness?

Fear?

He was not sure what emotion took over him, making him sprint from where they were. Many things went over his head at that moment. Some were tragic, some delusional. The only thing he was sure of was that he needed to get out of there. There were heavy steps behind him, following him. Maybe he was being told something, but he could not hear. A buzzing in his ears and his own heartbeat were what echoed inside his head. His vision started to blur as he saw the sign of the station.

But he forgot something really important, really basic.

Never make an alpha chase you.

Do not let the primitive instinct be triggered.

Do not—

His body crashed against the metallic door of a closed convenience store. All the air in his lungs left him as the alpha pressed his body against his own. Caging him in the middle of an empty street.

His legs did not have enough strength to stand, but it was not necessary since the alpha was holding his body up, his wrists at each side of his body. A leg between Renjun’s thighs.

"Wait," the alpha gasped right next to his ear.

He was not sure if he should blame his heat or the race for the sweat covering him. The erratic breath of the alpha hit his face. The closest streetlight illuminated half of the alpha’s face. His hair covered one of his eyes. He even dared to say that his eyes turned as black as his hair. His eyes pierced through him, as if he wanted to tear him apart.

Enchanting.

They did not move, both of them trying to catch their breaths.

The scent of the alpha was strong—even more so because he had him entangled in his arms. It was a scent strong enough to make him whimper in desperation. He felt dizzy. He needed what the alpha had. Slick started to soak his underwear.

The alpha remained immobile. He started to take deep breaths as his grip tightened on Renjun’s wrist. Maybe guessing what was on the omega’s head. That or the scent flowing from between his legs.

Renjun moaned due the pressure on his wrists and, as a response, the alpha pressed their bodies even closer. Since their height difference was removed by the alpha holding him high, their lips could lock easily. But the alpha had his nose pressed on the omega’s cheek. Maybe the alpha was trying to calm himself down, but his hot breath tickled the exposed skin of the omega’s neck.

They stayed still. The omega was not sure for how long they did not move. The only thing he was sure about was that the alpha’s bulge pressed against his leg was getting bigger every second.

Renjun was already hard when he started grinding himself against the alpha’s hipbone.

_ How would it feel to spend a heat with an alpha? _

The omega questioned himself. It will be a first for him. The first time not being alone.

He craved it.

He craved company.

The alpha groaned as he put his hand on Renjun’s hip, stopping him.

Three seconds passed.

_ I need it. I need it. _

“Alpha,” Renjun whined, lips pressed against the alpha’s ear.

Two seconds passed.

Renjun’s body hit the metallic door again as the alpha positioned himself between Renjun’s legs and rolled his hips like he was thrusting inside him. Once. Twice. Again. Again and again. Renjun locked his legs on the alpha’s waist. The friction increased. A wet spot started to appear on his pants. Both of his hands were free since the alpha was holding him up, controlling the rhythm of his movements. He clung onto him.

Renjun threw his head back as another moan left his lips.

That felt good.

Suddenly, the alpha’s hot breath hit his neck.

The alpha’s nuzzled into his neck. Smelling him.

He was dizzy.

He was needy.

He was lonely.

“Please,” pleaded his primitive instinct. A deep growl left the lips of the alpha, as he faintly brushed his teeth on Renjun’s neck. “Please, please, please,” Renjun whined as tears fell from his eyes.

He was needy, and he was lonely.

The alpha’s tongue traced where his glands were. Preparing the place. His heart was going to burst out of his chest. He could feel the other’s fangs over his skin. He closed his eyes. A light bite on his neck was all that he felt as the alpha put him down, abruptly separating them.

He did not have time to complain as the alpha dragged him out of there.

They fucked in the bathroom of the station.

Then, at his apartment.

  
  


🌸 🌸 🌸

His heat ended Friday noon. He was tired and sore, but, as soon as Jeno asked him where he had left his backpack, Renjun quickly left his warm bed. He entered the room where the alpha and he had spent the past days. The air was impregnated by their scents. A blush still colored his cheeks. His heat ended a few hours ago, and his body was still trying to go back to normal. Between the standards of normality for omegas, of course.

A rare, calm feeling was invading him. He sat on his bed as he stared at the bathroom door, waiting for the alpha to come out.

This time, things were not as unpleasant like always.

His hand went to his unmarked neck. Only hickeys and bruises adorned his skin. Nothing else.

His pulse sped up as the bathroom door opened. The alpha, onto whom he dug his nails, leaving deep scratches on his back, entered the room. His wet hair was pressed against his forehead. The omega repressed the pout that wanted to appear when he noticed that his scent on the alpha was disappearing after his shower.

Renjun gulped as the alpha fixed his gaze on him.

“Here.” The Omega’s voice was raspy. Proof that he had chanted the name of the other really, really loud. The alpha did not move immediately. Renjun avoided his eyes, feeling the intensity of his gaze. The alpha took Renjun’s backpack in his hands.

_ What now? _

Renjun was not sure what had happened the last few days.

But it felt good, it was… good.

His tongue traced his own lips, wetting them. A way of getting courage to say something else. At least a thanks. When his eyes laid on the alpha, he noticed that he was pressing his lips to form a line.

Silence.

Jeno took a deep breath. Renjun waited for him to talk.

“The other night… you grabbed this when you left.” The confusion immediately disappeared as he saw the alpha take his wallet out of Renjun’s backpack.

_ Oh _ .

Silence.

A heavy pressure on the middle of his chest appeared.   
  


Renjun did not move from the bed even after Jeno left an hour ago. He kept staring at the wall.

  
He felt lonely, again.


	2. He thinks it is convenient

“Ouch!” Blood started to stain his hands. He blinked as some drops fell on his white sweater. He stared at the wound. Someone ran towards him.

He was in trouble.

“You… idiot! I told you that I was going to pick it up.” He was dragged from the broken glasses that five minutes ago formed a cup.

“Hyuck, I–” Donghyuck, with fluid movements, made him stand up. He hugged him from behind and, without having to use his full strength, made him sit on the border of the bathtub in the bathroom in Donghyuck’s apartment. His pride was slightly hurt as his friend easily picked him up. Both were omegas, but, for some reason, Renjun was more omega—if that made sense. He was smaller, lighter, more delicate, more sensitive, more… submissive. A perfect mate that, if Donghyuck were an Alpha, he would have reclaimed as his since their first encounter. But he knew pretty well that his friend liked to say certain things in order to make him feel better on his dark days, and that Donghyuck enjoyed a little too much being an omega.

He did acknowledge that something special made them click the day that they had met, but nothing else than partners-in-crime and shoulders to cry on. They were friends and, through the bad and the ugly, they were by each other’s side.

“It hurts, right?” The question made Renjun quiet. He knew well that his friend was referring to the not-too-deep-cut-on-two-of-his-fingers-that-somehow-managed-to-bleed-a-liter-out-of-his-body, but something inside his brain made him space out. Donghyuck scolded him for fifteen minutes about the dangers of tetanus while he was wrapping the wound.

“Injun?” The gentle omega called.

He cracked a little smile. He let the air out of his lungs.

“It hurts.” 

Donghyuck sighed. “Injun, you idiot. You’re lucky enough that it wasn’t your right hand. How pitiful it’ll be if—” Donghyuck’s voice disappeared with him as he walked—Renjun assumed—back to the bathroom to return the first aid kit. Renjun reclined his head on the cushion of the sofa he was now resting on. He closed his eyes as he exhaled all the air on his lungs, again, trying to calm himself down. Yes, Donghyuck was right. If he had hurt his right hand, it would have been troublesome.

He should not let himself get hurt.

He felt Donghyuck lift his head up, and the cushion was traded with the warm thighs of his friend. He purred as he felt Donghyuck’s fingers brush his hair, somehow trying to relax him.

Donghyuck hummed a song that Renjun could not recall.

“You seem… melancholic.” The last part of the statement sounded more like a question. For almost three weeks his friend spent day and night trying to make him reveal what had happened to him since he was  _ more miserable than usual _ , Donghyuck joked, but when the other omega was not as talkative and feisty as usual for almost two days, he started getting concerned.

Donghyuck threw many possible answers at his friend’s state and, when he mentioned his heat, Renjun responded with a cracked voice saying  _ yeah _ . Donghyuck hugged him.

_ Yeah, those are rough.  _

If his friend was already protective over him, he was even more attached to his hip during the past few weeks, spoiling him.

He was glad to have Donghyuck in his life.

However, he was not glad to have spent his heat with an almost unfamiliar alpha, and said-alpha had been ignoring him since then. But, he had to admit, it was not like Jeno was ignoring him on purpose, Jeno ignored every human being.

As far as he could recall from their first encounter during their first semester as college students, Jeno’s attitude had always seemed to be gloomy, and, with him sitting in the front row, taking notes of everything, and rushing out as soon as the class ended, he was difficult to approach. He was sure that the first time he saw him talking with someone else was at the end of the semester, since the final project was done in groups. Now this was their second time sharing a class, which was surprising since they did not share majors. Renjun had to take an additional course to fulfill his credits of the semester and,  _ boom _ , he was paired with an unsociable alpha that spent most of his free time playing games on his phone rather than outside. 

He felt embarrassed that he had stolen side glances at the alpha the first time they saw each other after he left his apartment on that Friday afternoon after recovering his wallet and thanking Renjun for the lunch—yes, he even made lunch for him. While his heartbeat was uncontrollable seeing the alpha three seats in front of him, the other—as usual—did not even notice Renjun’s presence. As soon as the class ended, the alpha rushed out without talking to anybody.

Renjun felt grateful that they only had to see each other—mostly Renjun seeing Jeno—once a week. He knew that what happened was not something “fated.” Things like that, as Renjun had read once on a forum, happen from time to time. Omegas entered heat and lost control, relieving themselves with whatever they had close within reach, including whoever alphas crossed their paths at the moment. At least Jeno was an acquaintance. At least. And he was glad that he did not mark him.

That mating bite would have only been the epitome of his disgrace.

He had heard about it. About Omegas being marked by “mistake.” He knew if such a thing would happen to him, he would not be able to handle it. In a world where fated soulmates existed, being bound by mistake would be awful.

The second time they met, Renjun lowered his head, avoiding having him on sight, and focused on his class. The third time, which was three days ago, he did not flinch when Jeno took the seat by his side—someone else was where he usually sat. They did not even greet each other, but they had never done it, so…

He was not sure why he felt like that.  _ Melancholic _ , as Donghyuck had mentioned.

Maybe it was the taste of not being lonely that made him feel like that.

The company of another person… he missed it. He was sure of that.

It would be convenient to have someone to be with. He had Donghyuck, of course, but it was not the same.

If he did not have it all, at least having someone to fulfill certain physical needs will do for him. He knew that after having spent a heat with an alpha, things will be more difficult next time.

It would be convenient if–

“… think?” Renjun rolled on his back, staring at the omega above him. The sun rays that slipped through the curtains made his friend give off an angelic aura. It was like the sun had kissed his skin. Renjun blinked, confused, giving Donghyuck a clue that he did not hear what he had just said. Donghyuck smiled fondly at him as he patted his head. “Come with me, okay? It will be fun.”

🥀 

  
  


Yes, Donghyuck was a caring friend, but Renjun was for sure not the type to enjoy sneaking into a stranger’s party filled by intoxicated strangers at a not-so-safe neighborhood of the city.

His senses were alert since Mark woke up his survival instinct the moment he gave him a crash course on safety measures about taking things from strangers—as if he would do such a thing.

_ You know, just watch out. Just in case. _

He wanted to smack his friend, but he knew that Donghyuck’s makeup would smudge if he did so. And the last thing he wanted to do was to screw his friend’s date.

Yes, he was third wheeling.

As Donghyuck always had his back, he knew that Donghyuck also needed some moral support. He was sure that the infatuation that his friend had for a certain hyperactive, well-mannered, and awkward alpha was developing in something much deeper and  _ soul-consuming _ .

He knew that if things were the other way around, Donghyuck would also be understanding if Renjun left him alone in a crowded room full of strangers that reeked of sweat, liquor, and who-knows-what illegal things.

It was ten past eleven, and he was alone next to a table full of drinks. He considered taking one of them, but Mark’s voice echoed inside his head. People in the middle of the room, which worked as the dance floor, started to push themselves as the volume of the music got louder. Something crashed on someone in the other room, and someone howled.

Renjun decided to put distance between him and any suspicious drinks. He made his way out of the living room. He will try to find his friend or just wait outside until Donghyuck called him saying it was time to go back home.

Someone pushed Renjun.

Renjun thought that his head had hit a wall, but it turned to be the back of someone.

_ Oh no. _

And that was how Renjun ended up being confronted by an  _ overhormoned _ alpha.

“Are you picking on me?”

Renjun gulped. Being beat up by a sensitive alpha full of steroids was not the plan that Donghyuck had for him the moment they left the apartment of the former. The man was at least two heads taller than him, and maybe both of his legs made one of the apha’s arms. His back hit, now, a real wall. His hands reached a curtain. He squeezed the fabric in his fists, looking for any kind of support

He had only been cornered once, in his junior year in high school. He did not want to recreate that moment again.

Some glanced at him, since his distressed scent had probably spread.

The alpha’s eyebrows furrowed as his shoulders widened. He started to growl, trying to intimidate an already-intimidated Renjun.

Mark never mentioned what to do in case someone wanted to hit him. Neither did Donghyuck. No one mentioned anything about how to avoid being cornered. Donghyuck only told him what to do in case someone put his tongue inside his mouth.

_ Suck it and don’t let go. _

As the alpha stretched his hand, trying to reach his neck, someone jumped in front of him.

“What are you doing, man?”

His panicked state grew as someone with some resemblance to the singer Moon Taeil took his arm and started to shake him, seemingly reprimanding him. “I was looking for you. You ask me out and as soon as you walk in, you came looking for the big one.”

He turned to the alpha. His eyes scanned the man from head to toe. He whistled. “This one isn’t bad. You know? This boy has a thing for big boys, but he has somehow kept up with me so far. Maybe… I compensate on other aspects.” He wiggled his eyebrows, trying to hint at a double meaning, which confused the alpha even more.

“How much do you lift? Can I touch them?” As the unknown, handsome boy tried to touch the alpha, Renjun felt how he was shoved far from the reach of the alpha. The boy kept talking and Renjun watched as the alpha became more annoyed. “… And that’s why I never tried it out.” He laughed, showing a charming smile, but the alpha growled in response.

“Well… It was nice meeting you. I’m gonna take this boy and… go.” The alpha tried to complain, but the man did not give him a chance, since he was dragging him out of the living room. The hand of the boy was holding his wrist as they reached the kitchen at the other side of the house.

He whistled once they got into the busy kitchen.

“That was easier than expected,” he said, laughing. With his free hand, he rubbed his nape. His hair was a reddish brown. “My friend dared me to go and set you free from the  _ big one _ . Hope you don’t mind.”

Renjun felt a blush creep on his cheeks as the boy towered over him. His pride did not let him admit that he was short—there were people shorter than him for sure—but it seemed that to be there, at the party, being tall was a must. The boy had big eyes, or at least that was how Renjun perceived them, standing close enough for him to feel the warmth of the other’s body. He smelled nice.

“Th-Thank you.” It was not a common thing for him to stutter, but it was also a not common thing for him to be cornered. He still could feel his heartbeat echoing in his ears, and his hands were sweating. His scent was still bitter, making the tall boy tilt his head to the right. He was curious.

It made him look cute.

“You okay?” The boy furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at him. The crimson on Renjun’s cheeks creeped up to his ears. He cracked a little smile, trying to comfort Renjun. “My name’s Yangyang. I’m gonna stay with you until you feel right, okay?” The warmth from Yangyang’s hand wrapped around his wrist traveled through all of his body.

The boy smiled again.

Yes, he had a charming smile.

🥀

  
  


Yangyang was a beta, and he attended a private university.

He wanted to own a car and enjoyed freestyling. He came to the party with his friends, and his lips were soft and plumb. His breath was a mixture of spicy nuts, which were in the kitchen, and beer. He, however, for Renjun’s liking, used too much tongue.

One of Yangyang’s hands was positioned at the back of Renjun’s neck, trying to make him stay still. The height difference made it quite uncomfortable for the beta, who had his other hand slowly sliding down to grab the his ass.

Yangyang had a bright personality that made Renjun feel at ease as soon as the boy cracked some jokes. He was hyperactive, and friendly—at least three people greeted him when they were in the kitchen. Renjun noticed that the beta was trying to impress him, switching between languages.

Yangyang complimented his laugh when Renjun cheered as he heard his mother tongue. The kitchen became crowded, and Yangyang suggested to go outside to smoke. Renjun did not feel particularly fond of such a habit, and as soon as the beta noticed it, he discarded the unlit cigarette. They were in the backyard surrounded by strangers and smoke.

He recalled talking in hushed whispers and then feeling the beta’s lips on his.

Renjun was not the type to hook up with a stranger, but he knew that Donghyuck would feel proud.

He whimpered as his ass was squeezed with a little too much strength. He could feel Yangyang cracking a smile as he sucked his bottom lip.

He was charming, but… not tonight.

The beta’s cold hand, which had made its way under Renjun’s shirt, made him decide it was the moment to stop and look for his friend who was somewhere inside the party. Renjun’s hands pushed Yangyang, gentle enough to not make him complain.

“Whoa,” Renjun said as he tried to catch his breath. He could see a spark of pride in the beta’s eyes. Yangyang leaned again, trying to catch Renjun’s lips, but he turned his face. Yangyang’s nose ended on the crook of his neck.

_ Oh. _

“That’s how we’re playing now?” Yangyang’s voice was deeper, and he could feel the change in the other’s pheromones—not as much as the ones of an alpha, but suitable enough to make Renjun guess that Yangyang was going to invite him somewhere else.

Before Yangyang got the chance to kiss his exposed skin, Renjun moved away from him.

“Thank you.” He bit his bottom lip trying to sound playful. The beta saved him from a bad experience and made him kill some time. He was a nice guy.

Yangyang raised an eyebrow, probably thinking that Renjun was playing hard to get.

“You’re welcome,” Yangyang checked him out from head to toe and winked.

Renjun restrained a chuckle. He looked cute.

He took two steps back without breaking their eye contact, then turned on his heels and rushed into the house. He could hear Yangyang calling after him. He could even picture the smile falling from the boy’s lips as he ran away.

He felt guilty, at least, he thought, he should had given him his number.

The moment he and Yangyang left the kitchen, the place had already been crowded, but now it was packed enough that he had to make his way by pushing people. The air was heavy and overwhelming. He had to cover his nose as he stepped in the hallway. His senses got triggered as he noticed that something wrong.

They were spreading their scents.

Renjun felt dizzy.

He dared to say that Yangyang was calling him, but Renjun was too concentrated on finding his friend and getting out of there. The music was so loud, and he could barely move. Too many people, too many scents.

People pushed, screamed, fought, kissed, howled. People were rubbing themselves against each other. Were out of control.

That was what Mark had referred to when he said that he should not take anything that was offered to him.

He decided he’d punch Donghyuck as soon as he found him.

Renjun’s wrist was grabbed, and his blood ran out of his body as he noticed a stranger too close to him.

The pressure on his wrist was going to make a bruise appear the next morning, but Renjun was not sure if he would make it until then.

He shook his hand, trying to free himself, but the girl dug her nails on his skin. Her eyes were focused on him, but it was like she was on a trance.

She stared at him—as if he was her prey.

Renjun sniffed.

Strong.

Consuming.

Her rut.

Screaming was not an option. Just a few would hear, and none would help him. Too crowded and everyone so lost.

He felt chills all over his body.

“Renjun!” His name managed to reach his ears. The relief he felt even made the alpha turn to see a boy with reddish-brown hair making his way through the crowd.

Someone pushed the alpha, and Renjun was free. He jostled amongst the people and tried to reach Yangyang.

He was now going to consider him as his knight in shining armor.

Renjun was hit a few times as he tried to find the beta.

“Renjun.” He was not sure if his name was being shouted or if it was panic making him imagine things.

The flashing lights made it difficult to see anything. He lost his balance as someone crashed against him. His head collided with the shoulder of someone too busy to notice. His head was throbbing, and he was scared.

He turned to the right, nothing.

He turned to the left, nothing.

His eyes scanned the people.

No.

No.

No.

There.

Yangyang was right there.

He was at least three meters away from him.

The boy smiled at him.

Their eye contact broke when Renjun was shoved against the nearest wall.

His body crashed against the wall. All the air in his lungs disappeared as the alpha pressed his body against him—caging him in that crowded place.

Panic.

Fear.

Relief.

A mixture of those emotions invaded him as a familiar scene played out before him. He buried his face in the other’s chest and took a deep breath of the familiar scent.

Two seconds.

Confusion and panic.

“Jeno?” The alpha’s name left his lips as a whisper. The alpha was pressing his body against his. His arms were covering him. Many questions passed through his head, but all of them faded out.

His chest was moving so fast. His hair was pushed against his forehead thanks to sweat. The warmth of his body and his scent were too suffocating. Jeno started to nuzzle his nose on the crook of his neck. The omega’s legs turned weak.

When he was in his heat, there were moments when he lost control of himself. He forgot certain things, but one thing for sure that he would remember was how Jeno smelled.

That was something engraved in his mind.

The scent of the alpha was enchanting. He got drunk by it.

Renjun buried his nose on the exact point where his scent glands were.

The alpha kept sucking and giving light bites on his neck. 

Part of his primitive-self wanted to give up and do what nature told you to do when you have the hard member of an alpha pressed against your cock.

But something did not feel right.

Something was not right.

_ Why? _

_ How? _

He bit his bottom lip and dug his nails on his palms. His hands trembled as he grabbed the alpha’s face.

Being so close to Jeno made him notice another factor that made Jeno so difficult to approach. He was handsome. He was too handsome. He was handsome enough to make people fear approaching him. Like they were not good enough.

He had a small mole close to his eye.

His eyes were lost.

His eyes were focused on him, but he was lost—like in a trance. His eyes were black. They were covered by something primitive.

_ His… rut? _

Jeno did not blink as Renjun started to panic—again.

“Did–Did you take something?” His voice trembled and resembled a moan. The alpha only pushed his forehead against Renjun’s. His eyes pierced through him. “Jeno. Tell me.” The alpha groaned hearing his name, and he gripped Renjun tighter against his body. “Jeno.”

Jeno crashed his lips against his. His mouth opened, and Jeno’s tongue made its way inside.

The kiss was rushed, aggressive,  _ overwhelming _ .

Jeno whimpered, and Renjun thought it was because of his nails scratching part of the alpha’s neck.

“Hmh?” Jeno’s lips did not allow him talk. The taste in their mouths was bittersweet—something unfamiliar but alluring. Jeno’s lips were clumsy and so desperate. A muffled cry got trapped on his throat. Renjun tried to put some distance between them. Renjun stared at the alpha’s face as the alpha anxiously tried to lock their lips again.

He was in pain.

It was not his rut what he felt, but something similar.

Perhaps it was the same with the other girl.

Maybe it was the scent of the alpha, or the fact that he was already hard, or maybe… that he saw a chance—something convenient. His hand went between the alpha’s thighs. He grasped the bulge.

“It hurts?” He whispered as his lips brushed against Jeno’s.

Three seconds.

Jeno bit the omega’s bottom lip with enough strength to pierce it.

  
  


🥀

  
  


An omega’s body was something fascinating. Actually, the mere fact that the world was ruled by primitive instincts was enthralling. Nature over rationality.

Renjun did not remember how they left the party, nor how they reached his apartment building. The only thing he was sure of was that the alpha could not handle stairs. With every step they took, the friction created between Jeno’s legs made him howl.

It was close to 3 a.m., and Renjun was dragging Jeno upstairs.

Renjun always thought it was convenient living on the fifth floor of a building without an elevator because he had to perform a certain physical activity. Never in his wildest dreams—and he had many of them—did he picture himself carrying an alpha on his back through the stairs to do him a favor.

It was a favor, what he was doing for the alpha. Or at least that was his conclusion— _ excuse _ —after the ride on the taxi, with Jeno leaving hickeys on every possible, exposed part of his skin.

Was he taking advantage of him?

Renjun never thought that Jeno had taken advantage of him when he was in his heat. He knew—was told—how painful ruts can be if they were not taken care of. He imagined them to be as unbearable as his heats. The neediness. The urgency. He considered it a favor from Jeno. Now, he was repaying that favor with another favor.

He would help him relieve himself.

When Jeno woke up in the morning, Renjun would explain it that way.

No need to say anything else. It was… convenient.

That was something convenient.

He wasn’t even sure if the alpha would remember a thing the next morning. His behavior was erratic, and he was not restraining himself. It was like some cage had been opened.

His legs wobbled as Jeno’s tongue traced a line from his earlobe down to his collarbone. The black-haired man’s nose caressed the place where his glands were. He tripped and fell on his knees. Jeno—since was he was supporting all of his weight—fell over him.

They were still in the middle of the staircase connecting the third and fourth floors. His eyes darted towards any possible direction from which any of his neighbors might come.

Silence.

It was really late and even though the clack of the metallic stairs and Renjun’s bones was loud, it had not awakened anybody.

Renjun tried to sigh in relief but panted, feeling the tight tug on his waist by Jeno’s hands.

The next thing he felt was the length of the alpha pressed against him.

Jeno had already been hard before they left the party.

The alpha’s impatience was obvious with the whimpers he produced as he grinded himself against Renjun.

“Jeno,” Renjun whispered as a warning. He did not want to be found in the stairs in such a compromising situation. He liked the idea of that compromising situation happening in the stairs even less.

Renjun tried to push the alpha away so they could stand up, but, as he tried to manhandle the boy over him, he felt his pants being dragged down.

His back hit the metal as he was turned around.

Jeno’s hair covered his eyes. Drops of sweat rolled down his temples. His heavy panting hit Renjun’s face. His fangs appeared.

“Jeno.” His voice cracked. The alpha buried his nose on the crook of his neck. He breathed in. He licked. He kissed the place. “Jeno,” Renjun called his name again, trying to stop him. To wake him up from that trance.

The alpha unbuckled his belt. Unzipped his pants.

“Jeno. Jeno. Jeno. Jeno. Je-”

Something curious about omegas’ anatomies was their production of slick. Fucking an omega during his heat was an experience everybody wanted to have. The amount of slick that came out of him was so much that it made Renjun feel gross the first time he experienced his heat. As time passed by, however, he understood about the need for preparedness. Fucking an omega out of his heat was something that needed patience.

  
  


A tear slipped out from the corner of his eye when he entered him.

  
  


Another tear slipped out from the corner of his eye with the third thrust.

  
  


Pain.

  
  


Renjun bit the fabric that covered the shoulder of the alpha—trying to muffle a sharp cry—when he knotted him.

  
  


It was painful.

  
  


It was the first time someone had knotted him.


	3. He is involved in an unspoken deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for every single comment.
> 
> :)

Renjun looked at the scar on his fingers. It was small and, so far, almost a week later, it had already healed. He tossed the bandages that Donghyuck bought for him at his cabinet. He would not need them anymore.

Renjun closed the cabinet door, looking at his reflection on the mirror in front of him. He looked… normal. April was almost ending, and he was lucky to not have any kind of allergies during spring. He checked the hour on his phone. He was still on time for his Thursday classes.

He saw his reflection on the mirror again and moved his hands to his cheeks. He looked pale. He pinched his cheeks, trying to drive some color to them. He arranged the collar of his trench coat as he stretched his neck looking for any color on it.

The hickeys had almost disappeared.

The only trace left from the last weekend were small red dots above his jugular.

All of his body had healed well.

He grabbed his backpack and his keys. He put on his shoes before he leaving his apartment.

  
  


🌺

Renjun returned to his apartment at around 5 p.m. As soon as he closed the door, silence surrounded him.

He was alone.

He sighed as his fingers smoothed down his hair. The air was chill, and some breeze ruffled some locks of his hair. Although he had shivered as he walked home from the station, he decided to change to some pair of shorts and an oversized hoodie. He did not have plans for the night—his classes started on the afternoon on Fridays. He had time to relax and house chores to do.

Living alone was not so bad. It’s true that from time to time he missed being surrounded by his family—his parents, grandparents, cousins. His family migrated from China. His grandparents decided to choose the countryside to start again. He liked living between mountains and crops, but, as his older and closest cousin Kun once said, he needed to get out there and chase his dreams.

_ Who knows what’s waiting for you? _

It was difficult for him at the beginning, but after almost two years—and regular visits from his cousin—he was enjoying his life as a young adult. Most of the time, anyway. One of those times in which he did not enjoy his life was when he had to clean the house. But he did not want to complain, he was lucky to have his family having his back and helping him with the expenses.

He missed them, too. Being alone was something he still was not used to.

He felt lonely, and one of those moments he felt it most was when he sat on the old, brown couch in the middle of his living room as the sun was setting down.

Nothing but the sound of his breathing echoed through the empty apartment.

The week had almost ended, and he was somehow free. The place was clean enough to make his mother less worried and proud to have a responsible son. His eyes scanned the room, and he let himself melt on the couch.

Silence.

He started to consider Donghyuck’s suggestion of buying a cat. His friend was starting to complain about his remarks of being forgotten because the boy had started to spend too much time with a certain alpha.

_ I know your life’s miserable without me there, but Renjun, look… you need more friends. Someone to be with. Dunno, maybe try to get a pet or something. Like a cat, a cat will be perfect for you. You know, they don’t need to be taken care of all the time. Food, a place to sleep. If it needs love, it’ll come to you. Easy, don’t you think? _

First of all, his contract prohibited any pet in the apartment. Second, he was becoming an adult, but he was still on his way to becoming a respectable, responsible one. Somedays, he barely kept himself alive. Taking care of another living being was a little too much. His stomach grumbled as he stood from the couch. A reminder that he needed to feed himself.

Yes. Sorry cats of the world, but Huang Renjun was doing you a favor not taking under his wing one of your kind.

The only thing left to do was the laundry. It was already close to 8 p.m., so he decided he was going to buy something from somewhere close to the laundromat.

He went to his bedroom and picked up his laundry basket. He scolded himself for letting the dirty laundry stack, as he had difficulty carrying it. He cursed when the basket fell from his arms and scattered all that was in it on the floor.

He froze the moment the scent reached his nose. It was an alien yet comforting scent.

Jeno’s scent was impregnated on his sheets. Actually, his scent had lingered in his bedroom for days. He changed the sheets the same day Jeno left his apartment—Jeno finally worn down at dawn. But the aroma of the alpha seemed to have penetrated the mattress. Renjun spent Sunday night tossing and turning without being able to sleep. He had felt that he was going crazy.

Renjun held his breath as he grabbed the dirty laundry and shoved it again inside the basket.

Dizziness.

He expected to see Jeno in their shared Tuesday class, and deep inside him—right were Jeno had scratched something—he was expecting to be ignored again, but Jeno never showed up. Renjun was not sure what happened, but while his professor called the roll, he mumbled something under his breath after saying the alpha's name. He even managed to hand in his homework. Since they did not share majors, nor shared any circles—Donghyuck was his main source for socialization while he was not sure if Jeno had any friends at all—Renjun had not heard anything about the alpha.

Jeno did not even make any sort of eye contact with him when he woke up in the afternoon. They just exchanged a few words.

_ “I found–I mean… You found me. At the party. I–I brought you here.” _

That was all that Renjun had said, and Jeno had only nodded in response. Both of them had been naked, and the amount of purple bruises all over the his skin made things obvious. An explanation had not been needed. Renjun had suggested he take a shower, but the other had refused saying he had to go. The moment the alpha had both of his shoes on, Renjun had appeared by his side, offering him a jam sandwich.

_ “You shouldn’t skip breakfast.” _

Although it was already time for lunch, Jeno had not corrected him and grabbed it. He had disappeared after muttering something similar to a thanks that Renjun could not catch.

A tingling inside his throat had appeared then. That sensation that always appeared when he felt he was about to cry.

He grabbed the basket. He put his shoes on. He took his keys. And he shut the door with too much strength that he was sure one of his neighbors was going to complain.

He would be lying if he said he would not miss the smell.

🌺

“Here, your change.” He smiled at the girl, putting the cents in his the pocket. “Thanks for your patronage. Visit us again soon, sir.” The cashier kept her smile as Renjun took the plastic bag filled with his food and the laundry basket.

He thanked the person who held the door open for him as he left the place.

He reprimanded himself again as he struggled carrying all his things. He somehow managed to reach his apartment without dropping anything. He quickly arranged the clothing and went to the kitchen.

He cursed as some of the red sauce dripped on his clothes. The white hoodie acquired a big red spot right above where his belly was. He had tried to put the food in a bowl since what he had purchased was too much for one person. Seemed that food for singles was way more expensive. He had to take care of his expenses, and he was sure that heating it up the next morning will make it a good breakfast.

After setting the plate on the counter of the kitchen, he went to the faucet and scrubbed the stain, trying to lessen the damage. The taint refused to fade out, and, after five minutes of scrubbing, he gave up. Some of the sauce had fallen on his thighs. His shorts were red, thankfully, and there was no damage. Grabbing a wet tissue, he cleaned it. Lucky for him that the stains disappeared, something that did not happen with his hoodie. He did not have the will to take a shower. He did take one in the morning, but fulfilling his stomach was his priority rather than cleaning out his sweat.

Call him gross, but his stomach grumbled again. He had only had plain rice for his lunch due to the lack of time and Donghyuck stealing his food.

_ Hormones. They drain your energy, Injunnie. _

His computer was arranged on the coffee table right in front of the brown couch in the living room. Watching a video while eating made him feel like he had company.

His hands were busy looking for a spoon when someone knocked at his door.

He groaned in annoyance.

Someone knocked again.

“Coming!”

A cold breeze entered his apartment the moment he opened the door. But the cold breeze that hit his bare legs was not what made him shiver.

His bangs were of enough length to cover his eyes. Black thick glasses contrasted with his pale skin. A grey sweater, jeans, his backpack on his right shoulder.

Surprise.

Confusion.

Lee Jeno was right in front of him.

Three seconds.

“Can I come in?”

  
  


🌺

Usually the smell of jasmine made him calm, but his hands were trembling as he tried to pour some sugar into one of the cups. He was not sure what the alpha wanted. As soon as Jeno stepped into the apartment, he sat on the couch—Renjun did not give him a chance to say anything. He offered him a seat and a cup of tea. Without waiting for an answer, he rushed into the kitchen. Spending fifteen minutes boiling water and putting a bag of tea in it will probably make anyone feel suspicious, but, as he glanced from the corner of his eyes, Jeno had not move at all—the space between the kitchen and the living room had almost no separation at all. Jeno’s eyes were fixed on the black screen of Renjun's computer. His shoulders were slouched.

He took a deep breath and carefully grabbed the cup. The floor crunched under his feet as he approached the sofa. That sound made Jeno's head turn towards his direction. He froze there.

Two seconds.

He stretched his arms, offering the beverage to the boy who only nodded and took it.

Jeno’s fingers were cold—or at least the tips of his fingers that brushed Renjun's.

Renjun took a seat some distance from him. He shifted on his seat. His body was facing Renjun, but Jeno’s eyes fell on the cup on his hands.

Silence.

The frame of Jeno's glasses were thick, and his hair covered part of his eyes, but the dark bags under his eyes were too visible. His lips were chapped, and he dared to say that the blood on them was the result of Jeno plucking their skin. Jeno was pale, even more than usual. His cheek bones were more pronounced than he remembered.

Jeno's body leaned forward.

Renjun's hands flew to the cup, noticing how it almost slipped and fell from Jeno's hands. Some of the content splashed on Jeno's lap and hands.

He did not even blink.

“I'll get something to clean it." Renjun came back with a package of wet tissues.

Jeno's eyelids were partially close. Was he dozing off?

Renjun cupped Jeno's hands as he tried to clean them. He was sure that the sugar will make his hands sticky.

He tried to grab another wet tissue, but Jeno grabbed his hands.

Lethargic.

Tired.

Renjun did not have a chance to ask why, as Jeno buried his face on his chest.

Surprise.

Jeno's head landed on the crock of his neck as he tilted towards him. If they would have been standing, he was sure he would had lost balance and fallen. But since they were sitting, he was caged between the couch and the alpha.

“Jeno?” His voice trembled.

Jeno was a little heavier than he could remember—he had been on top of him enough times to allow him to have an idea of his weight. Renjun tried to push him, not because he was being suffocated by the man but because his hot breath was tickling his skin.

“Jeno." No movement at all. “Jeno. Je–ah." Jeno moved an arm around him, sliding it behind his back and adjusting both their bodies onto the sofa.

Jeno snored lightly, using Renjun's shoulder as his pillow. A small three-seater sofa did not have enough space for two people to sleep on, but Jeno did not seem to care as he snuggled closer to him.

🌺

Disorientation.

Renjun blinked, confused. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

The living room.

He had fallen asleep.

A soft snore.

Jeno's face buried on his neck.

Maybe ten minutes had passed since he had woken up. He was sure it was already past midnight. It was cold. Renjun's arm started to get numb. He tried to move a little bit, but he only managed to make Jeno use his whole arm as a pillow. Half of his body was hanging off at the end of the couch.

Yes, the sofa was too small for two people.

It was cold. His legs were bare and cold. Renjun was sure that he was going to get sick—both of them.

His head felt heavy.

“Je–" He cleared his throat. “Jeno." He repeated the name, as a whisper.”Jeno."

His eyelids were puffy. His eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes bloodshot. His lips were partially parted and still chapped. His hair was a complete mess.

He blinked repeatedly—in confusion, assumed Renjun.

He lifted his body using his hands as a support. His head moved to different directions, scanning the place.

He pressed his lips onto a line when he turned his face towards him.

Renjun gulped, seeing him squint.

_ Ah. _

His glasses.

The glasses that, after 15 minutes of internal debate, Renjun decided to take off and place on the coffee table.

🌺

Renjun was sitting a cushion away from Jeno, who was busy arranging his bed hair.

Silence.

That essence that had drowned and driven Renjun crazy days ago was now impregnated on his clothes, and the source of such poison was right there.

Sleepy and flustered.

“I didn't–I didn't mean to…” His voice was raspy. His hand massaged his nape, maybe taking courage to talk.

“Rough week?” Renjun stated as Jeno rubbed his eyelids.

Puffier than ever.

Jeno nodded, covering the yawn from his mouth.

Renjun yawned, too.

“It's late." It was not midnight; it was already 3 a.m. Renjun peeked at the hour when Jeno took his phone out and, five seconds later, it turned off, its battery dead.

No more trains left, and the night fare of taxis was too expensive. It was what Renjun thought.

“I bought food. It’s in the kitchen.” Jeno's stomach groaned as an answer. Renjun pretended he did not see the light blush on his cheeks before he stood up and walked into the kitchen.

From the corner of his eyes, Renjun saw how Jeno took the cup that he had offered earlier, taking it with him as he walked behind him.

🌺

Renjun had acquired a liking to oversized clothes thanks to Donghyuck.

_ Gosh, you were born to be the personification of cuteness. _

He was now thankful to his friend because his green hoodie fit Jeno.

Renjun distracted himself from peeking at Jeno’s hairy legs, which were exposed thanks to the fact that he was only wearing his boxers under the green hoodie.

They ate in silence and, as Jeno's plate was being emptied, Renjun stated that it was late, again.

Here he was, implicitly inviting the man who had made him cry while having sex to spend the night on his bed. A man who was so desperate for release that he did not prepare him properly. A man who did not say a word the next day, not even to ask if he was okay or not. A man who did not even acknowledge his presence whenever they were a few meters apart.

A man who knotted him without his consent.

A man who did not make him feel lonely.

He did not want to be alone.

At least for a couple of hours. It was okay even if it was only once in a while. It was okay if he had to bear some physical pain. It was okay if he was ignored. It was okay if he was not given apologies.

He did not want them. He deserved them, but he did not want them if that meant losing company.

He did not want to be alone.

Even if it hurt, he wanted to have someone by his side.

Jeno plugged the charger he lent him onto the socket, and Renjun took it as a sign to turn off the light. Trying to keep calm, he walked to his bed and lied down. He took the right side and turned his face towards the wall, turning his back to the boy who only stood in silence right there.

They had shared his bed before, if not, things would have been odd.

They were already odd. Not talking at all. Only Renjun offering him his place to stay the night. Renjun offering him a spare toothbrush. Renjun offering him his clothes—his pants were too short for his long legs. Renjun trying not to pass the invisible border of the side of the bed he decided as his.

Fifty-two.

Renjun counted until fifty-two before he felt a weight on the other side of the bed.

He lifted the sheets and made his way inside it—Renjun kept staring at the wall, not daring to turn around and face him.

Silence.

Silence.

“Renjun…” His name lingered in the air. It was so foreign on his lips.

_ Was it the first time he had said it? _

Jeno took a deep breath of air.

“It's okay." With a dull tone, he interrupted whatever Jeno was going to say. An apology, an excuse, or something that Renjun will never know. He felt grateful that his voice did not crack.

It was okay as long as he was no longer alone.

Silence.

Thirty-one.

Jeno exhaled all the air in his lungs.

He got it.

The weight on the mattress shifted.

They were sharing the same pillow.

Jeno's nose was buried on the crook of his neck.

It tickled, but he did not move.

It was okay.

  
  


🌺 🌺 🌺

Midterms ended two weeks ago.

Spring was ending, and Donghyuck needed someone to help him carry the bags from the grocery store.

_ It will help you grow muscles. _

Both knew it was a lie, but Renjun pretended he also needed to go shopping.

He saw his friend tossing a box of cereal with too much sugar into the shopping cart, proceeding afterwards to complain about exported items being too expensive.

They moved to the next aisle.

He distracted himself by reading a recipe on the back of a package of pasta as Donghyuck chatted away about his professor being absent for the next week and about deciding to be in charge of feeding his boyfriend. Reasons why he needed someone to help him carry the groceries, since none of them had a car nor were they willing to pay for taxi rides.

“Mark wants to keep the dog." Renjun stopped the cart next to his friend, who had a can of dog food on his hand. The dog, which he recalled Donghyuck’s boyfriend found weeks ago. Too old to be considered a puppy and too ill to be left alone on the streets. He had somehow managed to convince the landlord to allow them keep it, but only for a certain period of time, which was running out “Mark is trying his best to train him, but… he doesn't have time nor the patience. Even more, he's planning to get a job. You know. The costs and…” His friend sighed trying to squeeze the can in his hands. “He had always wanted a pet. He told me and… I know he needs to hear that he can't keep him, but I can't.”

Renjun left the cart and placed himself behind his friend, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting his head rest on his shoulder.

“Mark is caring, but he needs to be aware of his limits. If he gets a job, you know that he’ll overwork himself.” He was a semester away from his graduation, and he was involved in almost everything anyone asked of him. “He's gonna burn himself down. You need to remind him that he needs to slow down from time to time.”

Donghyuck gave his hand a little squeeze as he nodded.

“The fully capable Mark Lee," Renjun laughed and kissed his friend’s cheek. “Maybe I can get him something to replace the dog.” Donghyuck refused to pronounce the name Mark had given the dog, scared of getting attached to it. “Not something big. Mr. Wong has no problem with pets at all, but the dog is so big."

Renjun bit his bottom lip, thinking.

“A cat, maybe. His neighbors have one." Donghyuck turned to face him. “They don’t need too much care. Well, of course they need it, but they are not as exhausting as dogs. Food, a place to sleep and done." His friend smiled at him. His smile was beautiful. “If they need love, they will come looking for you?” He remembered his friend saying. “But he already has you, don’t you think? He pays for your food, you almost live with him, and you…” His friend punched his shoulder and shoved him to the side as he started to push the cart again.

Renjun laughed, the tongue of his friend resembled one of a cat’s when he stuck it out. He decided to drop the remark.

“Don’t you think it’s a little too much responsibility to adopt a cat? Well, a pet at all." He jogged to his friend's side. Donghyuck slowed down. “It’s like something big. Mark is not going to be taking care of it alone. I know you’ll want to help him too and…”

“Too soon?" Maybe Donghyuck had fallen in love with him since the first sight, but it had not been too long ago since his boyfriend admitted that he also felt the same. His friend chewed on his bottom lip. Nervous.

“Hyuck?” He asked. It seemed that the pet affair was not the only thing in his mind. His friend’s face turned red.

“I want to spend my heat with him. Without suppressants." Yeah, that was a little more huge than adopting a pet together. Well, they’re in a world that was ruled by bonds and souls. “I know it's soon. But… I want it. I… I want Mark. And you can call me an idiot, but I know I can trust him. I know… he… I want him to be the one."

_ Who doesn't want to find the right one? Someone to spend their heat with. _ Renjun questioned himself.

Suppressant were pills that controlled heats for omegas and ruts for alphas. There were many kinds, but Renjun was accustomed to take the ones with a rapid effect. Take one when your heat was coming to lessen the symptoms. Just as pills that covered the symptoms of a cold. The cold was still there, but you did not feel it. He had to jerk off a couple of times, but it was bearable. Those were not as strong as the others that completely faded your heat. They were dangerous and usually taken only on extreme cases because of the side effects.

As he had already experienced a heat without suppressants, he knew how mortifying it could be.

The need.

The desperation.

The madness.

Feral instincts taking over everything. For an omega, spending a heat without suppressants—and, even more, with someone at all—meant trust. Many things could happen between a short span of days and with the rush of lust. Many regrettable and life changing things. It was a taboo for some to consider spending it with someone you don’t know you rely on. Someone who you do not truly know.

_ But who do you truly know? _

There were people who did it. The thrill and pleasure made it worth it.

Addicting.

Spending a heat with an omega was an experience everybody wanted to have.

Renjun knew it, and he was taking advantage of it.

He and Donghyuck had talked about it. About trusting and loving…

Donghyuck avoided the fact he did not perceive the soul bond with Mark. Renjun had ditched the concept years ago. Donghyuck had decided to choose by himself to be with Mark. Renjun decided to not be alone.

Renjun knew that he would be a hypocrite if he chastised his friend about spending his heat with Mark, since he had already done it.

More than once.

A week ago, actually. A week ago, Renjun spent his heat without suppressants with Jeno.

To lessen the little remorse he had felt, he had used the fact that they already had slept together more times than he could count as an excuse.

It was a routine.

Sometimes more than twice a week.

Nothing was arranged. No rules. No specifications.

It only happened.

Of course, Renjun was not as irresponsible. He took precautions, but he managed to take advantage of what for years he had considered a struggle.

Jeno had only knotted him that one time since they had met.

He never left until the next day, and only after eating breakfast with and helping Renjun change the sheets.

An unspoken deal.

Renjun did feel happy when Jeno appeared on his doorstep and did not leave until it was over.

Renjun avoided overthinking about it.

Donghyuck gripped the handle of the grocery cart, trying to get some support. Renjun cracked a little smile between his lips and approached him.

“Mark is a nice guy.” His friend smiled, and Renjun hooked their arms together.

He was happy for his friend to have found someone special. He hoped that his friend would not feel ashamed of him if he knew that he slept around with someone who appeared on his doorstep every few days. Someone who did not greet him even as he sat behind him during class. Someone who had a spare key for his apartment but not his phone number.

No, he was no going to tell Hyuck that.

“You okay?” They were paying at the cash register. The boy looked at him with his big round eyes. He blinked.

“Yes, I just–” He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Sorry, I–Sorry” He smiled to his friend. “What were you saying?”

He frowned but decided to not say a thing. “I’m gonna talk to Mark. Tell him that right now is not the time for a pet.” Renjun nodded, helping him pack the groceries. “And…” Renjun locked their eyes. “But maybe you need one, Injun. I always talk about Mark and… you need someone. Well, not a someone  _ someone _ . Maybe something to rely on.”

“A pet?”

“A cat, maybe.”

“I’m okay, Hyuck. Don’t worry.”

Donghyuck pouted. “But they  _ are _ cool. I love those short videos on the internet and–”

“Trust me.”

“I’m gonna help you too. I think it will be good for you. You won’t be alo- What?”

He remembered.

“Where’s the honey?”

“What? Honey?” His friend did not have time to tell him the direction as he was already walking away “Since when did you like honey?” He did not reply him and kept walking.

He didn’t, but Jeno preferred honey over sugar.

“What about the cat?” His friend shouted from the cash register.

_ A cat? _

_ I think I already got one. _

_ I feed him. _

_ I let him sleep there. _

_ It’s easy. _

_ He comes to me when he needs something. _

_ It’s our deal, although none of us had said it out loud. _


	4. It seems that he needs him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really thankful for all of what you have said to me. It... made me really happy.  
> I'm really awkward when I reply comments, sorry about that. I really appreciate them.  
> :)

He remembered the day he left their province as a high school graduate. He left to chase a more alluring life. It was raining, and his mother was crying—even his dad, although he never was going to admit it out loud. He was back but not for so long.

It was summer already.

He missed his family, and he always came back during summer vacation.

As soon as he stepped outside the bus station, the humidity warmed his body. His heart beat fast, and his insides felt jittery. It was raining, and the sky looked as gray as it did the day he left.

Quite nostalgic.

“My baby.” The voice of his mother made him turn his attention from the gray clouds to his mother running in his direction. She had on a yellow summer dress and sandals. “I’ve missed you.” His mother was shorter than him, so he had to bend his knees in order to bury his head on the crook of his mother’s neck.

_ I’m here.  _

_ Close to you.  _

_ Close to where I can call home. _

“I’ve missed you, too.” His voice cracked a little bit at the end of the statement.

🌼

The rain had not stopped for almost a week. According to his grandfather, he had brought the rain with him from the capital. His bare feet swang on the air as he sat on the balcony of the second floor. He appreciated not having grown that much, since he could still fit his legs between the spaces of the balusters. The cicadas’ chirping was the only sound that came along with the rain.

“You ok?” Without an invitation he sat by his side.

“Yeah, it’s just… kinda cold.” He turned towards the alpha, who was offering him a bowl of peeled oranges. He took a slice and put it inside his mouth.

They ate in silence.

Kun sighed and stretched his sides when they emptied half of the bowl. Some of his joints cracked.

“Don’t.”

Renjun giggled, since his cousin stopped him before he could make a remark about his age. Twenty-five years of existence was a big accomplishment, and he was the oldest cousin. His oldest and closest cousin of all. He was glad to have someone like him caring about him.

“Someday you are gonna be the same age I am now and…”

“You’ll keep being old… er–” Kun slightly hit his shoulder, making Renjun laugh.

Since his cousin rolled his eyes and lied down on the wooden floor, Renjun decided to lie next to him.

Silence.

“I’m not that old, you know.” The sigh that left his cousin’s lips made him turn his attention to him, forgetting about the rain drops.

“You are pretty young to get married, actually,” Renjun reaffirmed, since he suspected the lost gaze his cousin had was the consequence of their grandmother nagging at Kun about finding someone to be with and starting a family. Renjun believed that their grandmother was still mad at him for leaving home and somehow influencing three of their other cousins, including Renjun, to leave too.

He had a college degree, a good job, a decent salary, a nice rented apartment, and he always called twice a week asking if their family needed something. The only thing that prevented him from being the golden boy of the family was that he had never been in a relationship.

Yeah, his grandmother, and consequently his parents, were not happy about it.

“It’s not that simple.”

“To find someone?”

Kun kept his eyes on the sky.

Five seconds.

“To find my soulmate.” Oh, that.

The alpha whose pupils were gold, the omega their irises. The same color of the mating mark of the latter.

A cruel reminder that their lives was already arranged by who knows what superior force.

Everyone was supposed to have another half. Another being that complemented their existence. Soulmates were not an everyday topic that people wanted to talk about. They existed, but it was so weird to find a destined pair. In a world organized by secondary gender, in which you could defy that fated destiny with a mark on the neck, people stopped seeking for  _ the one and only _ and started to indulge themselves with whatever seemed right.

Renjun was one of the latter.

_ Because having a mark meant having someone. _

Renjun decided to give up on that concept after someone broke his heart when he was fourteen.

Too young, too dumb, and quite fatalistic, Renjun had to admit.

Destined pairs existed, but finding your soulmate—not many were sure how you recognized that that person was the correct one—then leaving a mark on their neck and knotting them to complete the rite was a process too complicated.

Add that if someone who was not your soulmate had already bitten you, the mating mark, which was supposed to be colored in gold if you were soulmates, would remain dark brown like the one everyone who had not found their soulmate had.

Even their eye color would change. Alphas with golden pupils—the outline of the pupils turned gold—and omegas with golden irises—the color changing completely.

Unfair.

“I am a fool, right?”

_ Honestly, I admire you. _

Renjun squeezed his cousin’s hand, which was now on top of his stomach.

“No. You’re a hopeless romantic idiot.” The alpha rolled his eyes and the omega bit his lower lip. “I hope the wait is worthy.” Kun smiled at him. A small spark in his eyes. Everybody had a soulmate, but not many had the patience to endure a rough life alone. “I mean, being twenty-five and still a virgin is a–” A whole orange landed on his face, and he was sure their grandmother was going to make a fuss seeing them rolling and laughing on the floor completely covered with fruit.

Renjun leaned his back on the balustrade of the balcony, trying to catch his breath as Kun rubbed his right eye as a consequence of some orange juice getting on it.

“I haven’t seen you laugh that much in a while.” Renjun was scratching a stain on his shirt when he raised his head and saw how the expression on his cousin’s face had turned on a restlessness one. “Since the day you came.” Two days before Renjun arrived, Kun had asked for his vacation, since his father had sprained an ankle and he had decided to come and help. Nothing serious because his father was already driving his truck again. “You’ve been… quiet. I know that everyone has their bad days, but… is everything alright?”

Renjun felt a tingling sensation form in his throat. “Yes, it’s… This semester was hard. That’s all.” Kun’s eyes were on him, trying to dig for the lie.

“You sure?” Renjun’s ruffled his own hair.

“Yeah.”

Kun sighed as Renjun cleared his throat. “You know, I can go to your apartment on weekends. I can cook for you. We can watch a movie. You can show your old cousin the hot places of the city.” 

Renjun’s eyes fell on his own lap. “You know we live two hours away, right?”

“And?”

“You remember why I told you to not come any more, don’t you?” Kun got involved in a small traffic accident when he dozed off after he left work around midnight. He was caring, but Renjun took it as a sign to not bother him. “I’m already an adult and I… I can’t keep relying on you.”

“I am more adult than you, and I’m the one who is relying on you...”

Silence.

“I get lonely.” Renjun did not dare to say something about that declaration. “I know I’m the one who decided to leave home and everything, but… it’s cold. When you go home, it’s cold without someone waiting for you. You and your thoughts all by yourself. You get to deal with everything without help.”

_ The dark is scarier when you are on your own, too. _

Kun heaved a sigh. The alpha laid his eyes on him.

“It’s alright to seek for company when you need it. You don’t have to be ashamed of needing someone.”

The tingling in his throat was still present.

“It’s our nature. We come in pairs, right?”

The tingling grew.

“ _ Kun! _ Come downstairs!” The voice of their aunt was loud enough to reach the second floor.

Without wasting a second, he stood and took the bowl into his hands. Renjun helped him clean.

“Whenever you need something, call me.” Renjun nodded, and Kun left.

The water that ran inside the pipes outside the house echoed.

The rain had not stopped.

Renjun wrapped his legs pushing them close to his chest.

_ It’s alright to seek for company when you need it. _

Jeno had disappeared.

Renjun had expected it to happen since it was obvious that final exams were more important, but even after a week of finals being over, nothing.

After waiting for him for two weeks—during which he declined Donghyuck’s invitation to tan under the sun—his father called him asking if he was returning home or not. Since they had been together for months, he expected that he would show up. But since they did not exchange numbers and did not even talk during class, Renjun knew he should not have expected too much.

The moments both of them were in his apartment, they would eat something that Renjun had made or Jeno would take a shower as Renjun worked on some assignment that was pending. No matter what, it always ended with them making out on the couch or the kitchen counter and then Renjun clinging onto the warmth of Jeno’s body, counting every second.

He didn't even understand how things escalated quickly. One second he was opening the door of his apartment and the next... he was burying himself in Jeno's embrace.

Renjun knew he should not have expected too much.

Still, just in case, he left a note on a visible place, telling the other that he had gone home. He also wrote down his phone number but then decided to cross it out since he was afraid that that will scare him off. Jeno had a spare key but not his number. There was no reason for it was what Renjun thought. They could not do what they had been doing through the phone—well, they could, but Jeno was probably the type of person who gave monosyllabic answers during phone calls, and Renjun had never tried to do it before.

He tried to catch him after the end of the exam of the class they shared, but Renjun was one of the last to finish it and, when he was done, Jeno was nowhere to be found.

Jeno had never waited for him when their class ended—for both of them, it was their last class on Tuesdays. It was always that they met on his apartment. Only once, they were on the same ride on the train. Renjun stopped himself from going to the empty seat next to Jeno, who was so invested on his phone. When they reached their stop, they finally made eye contact.

The thing with unspoken deals was that each party could assume different things about how everything worked.

For Renjun, it seemed that he had wrongly assumed many things.

_ You don’t have to be ashamed of needing someone. _

He hid his face as the rain kept falling.

It was cold.

🌼

When he returned to his apartment, the note was still on the same place he had left it.

🌼

He read Donghyuck’s message again as he waited for the light to turn green on the crosswalk.

The light changed, and his eyes searched for the name of the street.

Two minutes later, he was in front of a stationary store. He checked the address that his friend had sent him again, just in case there were another stationary store close there. The sign on the door stating that it was open made his hands sweat.

He took a deep breath. He smiled and pushed the door.

A bell above his head rang.

The floor was made of wood. The same for the shelves—full of supplies or books—in each wall. A crystal counter was next to the cash register. Behind it, a curtain that he supposed leaded to another part of the store, because from it a boy who resembled a fairy and who had a lot of piercings on his ears and a pretty nose appeared.

“Hi, is there something I can help you with?” The fairy boy smiled at him.

Flawless.

“Hi." His voice fluctuated, and the man in front of him raised an eyebrow. “My name is Renjun. I came here because of the job.”

He arranged his spectacles as his eyes scanned him.

Intimidating.

Renjun felt a necessity to cover himself as the man’s eyes were fixed on him.

A smile like the one of a wolf’s appeared on his lips. However, if you could ask Renjun, he had the resemblance of a cat.

He offered his hand as a greeting.

“You can call me Ten. I'm the manager”

🌼 

The bell rang again above his head as he left the place. He waited until he turned on the corner to take his phone out from his pocket.

_ I GOT IT!!! _

The reply, the address of Donghyuck’s favorite restaurant and an order, came right after.

Yes, he owned his friend big time. He had somehow managed to arrange an interview for him. Since a friend of a friend of a friend had told Donghyuck something about it.

_ Painting store. Well, it's actually a stationary store. At least it  _ is _ related to art. _

He typed a thanks to his friend and promised to go out with him once he received his first payment.

He put his phone back into his pocket and sighed in relief.

Another step on the way to become an adult.

He still had a month until classes started again, so he was going to take advantage of it. Ten had given him instructions and a brief introduction about everything he needed to know. He had dismissed him earlier since the next day was going to be, officially, his first day.

It was close to 4 p.m., and the sun shined really bright. August was a couple of days near its end, and the air was so fresh that it made you want to spend all day outside.

The streets were not that crowded, and something danced in the air that made him feel happy.

Delight.

Perhaps getting the job and feeling less of a burden to his parents relieved a weight from his back.

In less than a year and a half, he would graduate, and a new chapter in his life would start.

_ Or why not now? _

A boiling feeling inside his chest started to grow.

Yes, maybe that moment in his life was one that marked a new start, Renjun thought.

He had a job, a new semester was coming, and his hair color was fading to its natural tone.

A smile was plastered on his face.

A signal from the universe for his life to change.

As the sun rays ghosted over his skin, he decided to enjoy every single thing.

Two blocks away from his new job, a certain smell made him stop on his tracks. He recognized the smell as the one that was flowing from Ten's tote bag.

_ There's a really good place close here. I’m in love with its canalés. _

Renjun entered the bakery.

_ Spoil yourself whenever you can. _

Only a couple of customers were there, while the employees were busy arranging what was leaving the oven, freshly baked.

“Please feel free to take the free samples.” He smiled, since the employee behind the cash register started explaining about their new product. Renjun nodded as he spoke, making sure the employee saw him putting the sample into his mouth.

It tasted good.

He gave a thumbs up, and the employee was distracted by a customer who was going to pay.

Doyoung was written on the name tag of the employee whose full gums showed as he smiled.

He resembled a bunny.

He had already met that day someone who resembled a cat, and now a bunny.

Renjun took an empty tray and a pair of pincers as he walked around the place.

Why did he have to wait until his payment day?

He decided to visit his friend and bring him something delicious to eat. He was sure his friend will be glad to have him visit him. No matter if he did or didn’t bring something expensive, what mattered was the willingness.

He was even going to buy something for his friend's boyfriend.

Yeah, Donghyuck will be happy with only that.

Renjun was checking the price of some garlic bread when a chill ran over his spine.

Danger?

His instinct told him to turn around, and his legs wobbled as he identified the pair of brown eyes fixed on him.

Next to a freshly baked basket of bread, the person fixed the cap on his head, letting Renjun see his face clearly. But there was no need to pay attention to the details of a face he had stared at for months while he slept by his side.

Lee Jeno, who was wearing an apron covered by flour, his hands covered with gloves to prevent him from burns from the hot trays, was standing only a couple of steps away.

One of the customers pushed Renjun back trying to reach the garlic bread that he had previously wanted to buy.

The clank of the empty tray and Renjun’s knees hitting the floor silenced the place.

His head was spinning.

His chest was throbbing.

His hands trembled.

“You o–” The question was left hanging in the air as someone kneeled in front of him.

“Renjun?” His name was a call for him to look up from the floor and stare at him.

_ Why I can’t breathe?  _

_ Why is it suddenly so hot? _

Thanks to the ovens the place was already warm, but this new sensation emanated from him.

_ Why are you here? _

A whimper got stuck on his throat as the other’s fingers brushed against the skin of his wrist. The hands were reluctant to get close at first. The fingers of a man he had not seen for more than a month—almost two.

“Jeno?” The same voice that had offered him free samples was behind him, but he did not turn around. The man being called had a frown on his face.

Renjun's eyes followed Jeno's fingers.

They lingered over his skin a couple of seconds before they caressed his cheek.

_ Am I crying? _

Renjun did not notice it. He only moaned in response to the touch.

A tingling in his stomach.

Jeno retracted his hand, and Renjun produced the most embarrassing sound he never thought he could make.

Something was burning inside him.

He could not think straight.

Anxiety.

Despair.

“ _ Hyung! _ ”

Blood started to run from Renjun's nose. Drops fell on his lap. Renjun started to whimper.

“Is he your  _ mate _ ?” As soon as the question left the lips of the man behind them, and that corresponded to the hyung Jeno referred to, Renjun cried out loud, feeling a foreign touch on his back. He jumped forward.

He was wrapped in his arms.

A mess.

Chaos.

He.

Renjun’s whimpers transformed into soft sobs the moment Jeno's hands directly caressed his skin.

Renjun was not sure what happened in his surroundings, his eyes were closed, and all his attention was on the hands on his back and neck.

He was there.

He was there, touching him.

“Withdrawal effects?” May be one of the customers or an employee talked.

Renjun gripped the clothes of the alpha, trying to pull him closer.

Tears kept flowing.

“Hyung?” Jeno's voice.

“Take him out, now… I don't… Take him, now. Take him.”

Four seconds.

“Everything will be alright with Jaemin. Just… go. He needs you."

🌼 

“Here." The jacket which belonged to Jeno and which one of the other employees gave them before leaving slipped from Renjun’s shoulders when they stepped out of the taxi. A ride too short. They had not left the district.

Renjun's eyes were blinded by the sun. He tried to trace were they were, but Jeno covered him again with his jacket and pulled him under his arm. His nose on Jeno's neck distracted him, and he decided to follow wherever Jeno was pushing him.

They were in front of a building. One which he recognized rented rooms for students.

Jeno assisted him—almost carrying him—all the way until they reached the second floor.

The building was rundown, and Renjun assumed that all the rooms where as small as the one Jeno was pushing him into after unlocking its door.

One bed, a sink, a small closet, a desk. The only space left for someone to walk in was the space the door needed to be opened and maybe a meter more.

A small window was placed above the bed, close to the ceiling. There were no sun rays coming in, since he was sure the adjacent buildings blocked the light.

Renjun's legs lost all the remaining strength they had, as everything around him had been impregnated with that poisonous scent.

Renjun fell over Jeno as he pulled the omega, preventing him to be hit with the metallic structure of the bed. Jeno was plastered against the door, Renjun snuggling on his chest.

There was no remains of blood on Renjun's nose, since the taxi driver gave Jeno some wet tissues to clean him up. The tears had stopped bursting once the alpha held his hands.

The alpha's arm enshrined his body. He placed the omega on his lap.

Now, what?

“It's not your heat." Renjun grasped the clothes of the one holding him in his fists. The omega had not enough strength to answer him or say a thing.

It was supposed to come in two weeks.

He was worried, not knowing what to do.

What to do alone after a long time.

He never expected to feel  _ withdrawal effects _ again.

He had experienced something similar close to his first heat. He had longed for an unknown soul.

He got sick. He got sad.

He cried. He desired. He called for someone he did not know existed.

Jeno cupped his face in his hands.

“A nest. Do… do you need one?”

He pushed their foreheads together.

His eyes were on him.

Concern?

Renjun nodded lightly.

Shyness.

🌼

A nest.

It had been years since the last time Renjun had made one.

The last time he had made one was when he and Kun still lived together. Three months after he left home. His cousin was then hired in another city, and he had to take with him all his clothes, the scent of familiarity, and his company.

Renjun had not found a pleasant smell that calmed him down since.

There had been no nests since then, since his own scent did not bring him calmness.

Now, he was safe again.

He was only wearing his underwear. The same as Jeno. The warm weather of summer was still present, but the room was cold thanks to the air conditioner. The room was cold, but since he was wrapped in a comforter he felt warm. That, and being surrounded by Jeno's body provided him heat.

The bed was small. The space was large for one person but small for two. But it did not matter since their bodies shared a space for one.

Peace.

The pillow that Jeno used was placed against the wall and Renjun's back. To prevent him from getting cold because of the wall, according to the alpha—some of his clothes were also shielding Renjun from any coldness. In consequence, Jeno was flexing his arm and using his palm as his pillow, since Renjun was using the rest of his arm for the same function. The breath of the alpha moved some hairs on the forehead of the shorter. His lips faintly brushing his nose.

Renjun's legs were caged in between Jeno's. His arms were hidden in between their bodies. Jeno's free arm was pressing them together. His fingers were touching the skin of his back.

Silence.

That silence that always accompanied them when they were together. Lying in bed, both exhausted and too tired to even clean themselves. Too sleepy to dare ask explanations, to be buried in each other’s arms, sharing sloppy kisses that lasted too long.

“Can't sleep?” Renjun raised his head enough for him to lay his eyes on the other but not to move his head from his arm. Renjun could feel that his eyelids were already heavy, but he did not feel tired.

Drunkenness?

He did not answer and only stared at the alpha.

Three seconds.

Renjun was pinned against the mattress.

A soft moan left his mouth, feeling Jeno between his legs. The black-haired boy with a mole close to his eye was kneeling between his legs—his legs were flexed, since Jeno's thighs were pressing towards him—hovering over him.

Closeness.

Renjun purred when Jeno pressed his palm against his cheek.

The small boy's eyes closed.

Renjun's nose nuzzled the skin inside the Alpha's wrist. He gave it peck.

Too personal.

Too overwhelming.

One of the glands where scents were produced.

Jeno held his face, caressing his face as he rubbed the smell on him.

The crimson on Renjun's cheeks expanded, feeling the scent linger on his skin.

The alpha’s teeth dug on the place where the omega was producing an alluring scent. That triggered an even more intoxicating smell as he felt the light bite on it. The skin was not pierced, but electricity went through his body.

Euphoria.

Renjun huddled his neck and squeezed himself closer to Jeno.

His lips and hands traced every part of his body.

As if he was claiming him.

The alpha was scenting the omega.

The alpha knew how to impregnate every inch of his being with his smell.

As if he had done it before.

The question that aroused in Renjun’s mind was soon forgotten as Jeno’s lips pressed against his face.

He decided to drown every question when Jeno kissed him.

Slowly.

Delicately.

Just as the first time they kissed inside the bathroom of that train station.

This time Renjun did not slip out from Jeno’s grip as he pounded inside him.

This time he could enjoy every inch of Jeno melting with him.

🌼

Jeno's torso was smaller than his legs. Renjun concluded that after Jeno dressed him with his clothes and they fit him. The alpha's shoulders were broader, but that was a topic he did not feel like admitting out loud. Only a blue navy sweater was what he was using. The length was not enough to cover anything under his hip bones, but since he was still using his underwear there was no problem at all.

Renjun shielded himself with the comforter.

The heat on his cheeks had not disappeared, and he noticed that the room’s temperature was chill, since Jeno had left the air conditioner on.

Tired.

His eyes scanned the room.

Empty.

Faceless.

Distant.

Nothing too personal. The things in it hinted that the place was only used for someone to sleep and study in.

The door opened.

Lying in bed without moving at all, he saw Jeno take a foldable table from the closet where sheets were stored.

_ So, he invites people here… He could easily eat on his desk or the bed. _

He put the takeout on the table and arranged the food on it.

If someone decided to open the door, the table would flip, and everything would end up on the floor.

Small.

Comforting.

The floor was cold when Renjun sat on it, but since Jeno was behind him, leaning on him while feeding them both, Renjun did not mind at all.

One of Jeno's hands had the chopsticks in it, the other holding Renjun's hand.

🌼

He had to go.

He did not want to, but he had to go.

No guests were allowed to spend the night there.

He did not want to cause him any more trouble.

He wanted to ask if he wanted to go to a place where guests could spend the night—spend the night together.

The question got tangled on his tongue as Jeno got him out of bed.

_ Was it alright if he touched him? _

Now, more awake than dreamy, it seemed wrong.

_ To him _ , it seemed wrong.

“You left.” Renjun wasn't the one who said that. Jeno tied his shoelaces tightly and raised his head. He was kneeling between his legs, helping him get ready to go.

_ You were the one who disappeared. _

“I went home.”

_ And I left a note for you, but you never saw it. _

Jeno's tongue traced his lips, wetting them. Renjun gulped as his eyes followed the action.

The alpha tilted towards him. The omega made more space for him between his legs.

Renjun's lips were partially opened, feeling Jeno's breath hit his face. The tips of their noses touched.

He blinked, lazily.

“You need my number."

I think I need more than a number from you.

A signal of the universe.

He was walking away, and he was dragged back.


	5. He understands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> I'm not sure how to tag it (and I apologize for not doing it sooner) but there is a scene that contains assault. I'm not sure how to catalogue it, but I felt that I needed to warn it. This symbol ( * ) is located at the beginning of it, and at the end.

There were nights in which it was impossible to fall asleep.

You tossed and turned, and it seemed that every second lasted a minute.

You were tired, but something tickled inside you and did not let you rest.

The light which emanated from his phone screen blinded him for a couple of seconds.

1:39 a.m.

A groan resonated from his throat.

Late.

He knew that he should had put his phone down and tried to keep rolling on his bed until his exhausted body decided to submit itself to the fatigue.

But no.

His fingers touched the screen.

He knew well what the reason of his sleepless nights was.

He stared at the name on his contact list. An empty chat was what appeared as his index tapped the name—as if he could touch him.

No calls. No messages. No use at all.

He did need Jeno’s number, but it seemed that Jeno did not need his.

Since that day he considered as his acceptance of the neediness of a certain alpha, the aforementioned alpha had appeared only whenever he asked Renjun beforehand.

_ Is it alright on Friday? _

_ Will you be here during the weekend? _

_ Your heat starts on Monday, right? _

He asked, he came, and he left.

Renjun still felt the embarrassment from the time he went to the bakery looking for him. Doyoung recognized him, and he explained that Jeno did not work there. That that day he had been covering for a friend of his.

“ _ I thought you knew _ ,” Doyoung had said. “ _ I mean. Aren’t you… together? _ ”

Renjun wanted to say that he did not know that Jeno had a friend.

Yeah, he took it as another signal from the universe.

He blinked, trying to dissipate the dryness from his eyes.

His fingers caressed the screen. They floated above call icon.

Renjun had already practiced what he desired to say in case he did get the guts to actually call.

_ Would you like to go out with me? It’s okay if you don’t want to consider it a date. We can go eat out. Or if there is a place you want to go to, we can. It's okay if we don’t walk together. It’s okay if we stay away from each other. I don’t know. Let’s do something. You and me. I just want to do another thing than fuck in my room and stay inside my apartment until you leave. _

_ I want… more. _

He tossed his phone to the other side of the bed. He turned facing the wall and closed his eyes.

🌻

“Jun–Jun… Junnie… Jun… Jun-ah!” The box of pencils in his hands landed on the floor as he, scared, dropped it. Ten had been calling him for a while. He saw the self-proclaimed manager of the store looking at him with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Sorry. Sorry, I didn't–I–" Ten sighed.

“I shouldn't have screamed. My fault.” Before Renjun could apologize again, Ten walked to his side and knelt, picking up the pencils “Wanna grab lunch?”

Renjun was sure that that was not what the oldest had come to say.

  
  


Ten's eyes were gentle. His smile charmed everyone. His laugh sounded as one of an evil cartoon character. He liked to flirt—he had told Renjun that he was not his type and that he was too short. He always said what was on his mind, although more than one had felt offended. He danced around the store whenever he felt like it—as if there were no clients at all. He liked to joke and say the more random things at the most inappropriate moments. He was also caring, although he did not like to show it so much.

Ten was an omega.

And, he had taken a liking towards Renjun.

“I've talked with the owner, and he says that is alright with you working only part time once your uni starts. Next week, right? He likes having pretty omegas in his store. He says we bring good luck. What can we do? We are lovely.” He flicked an imaginary strand of long hair off of his shoulder, trying to make a more dramatic effect, but Renjun was distracted, picking a piece of avocado on his sandwich with a fork. Ten cleared his throat. Renjun looked at him. “Hey, I'm offering you to continue your job, and you are playing with your food."

“I'm sorry, I–"

Ten left out a loud groan. “Stop apologizing.” He arranged the spectacles on his nose bridge and leaned his head on the palm of his hand. “Spit it out. What happened?” Renjun mumbled something between his teeth, and Ten gave him a stern look.

The older omega was not going to let it go.

He sighed, defeated.

“Mates. I want a mate."

Ten raised his eyebrows in surprise. Renjun hid his face in his hands, embarrassed.

He sounded so desperate.

Four seconds.

“This… does this have something to do with your friend?”

Donghyuck.

Donghyuck had been mated a week ago. His friend called him in the middle of his shift, telling him of the rushed decision he and his boyfriend had made on the peak of their high.

_ It felt… right, Injunnie. We… we needed it. _

His friend was no longer alone.

“You don’t need to feel pressured to find a mate. I mean… maybe your friend had already done it, but that doesn't mean you have to do it  _ now _ .” A sesame seed on his plate was what he decided to fixate at before looking into Ten’s eyes. “It's not a light decision. It must be your decision. You must be willing to do it. You and your partner. Not because you have to do it do you do it. It’s a choice. It’s your choice.”

_ I’ve chosen him. _

_ But it seems that I'm not his choice. _

Envy?

Yes, he felt a little bit of envy towards his friend.

He was happy for him, but he wanted to have what he had.

Someone right there.

Someone he would not feel afraid of asking to stay because he was scared of being alone surrounded by the dark.

Ten moved towards him. The older called his name, trying to make eye contact again.

Renjun was still ashamed.

“Everyone is different. Some have to wait, others no. The moment will come when it has to come. When you are ready.”

Renjun’s throat clenched up.

“What if… it never…?” His words got trapped inside him. He did not want to say it out loud.

If so, he felt they would become his omen.

If Renjun’s hands were on the table and not fisting his clothes trying to relieve his emotions, Ten would have had caressed them.

“I know I’m not the best person to say anything about mates, but Junnie, it’s alright to not have anyone. No matter how hard things are… you can defeat anything, Renjun. You're stronger than you think. You don't have to forget that the most powerful person you can rely on is yourself. You have to be able cope being without it.”

Renjun raised his head. Ten was giving him a little smile.

With one of his knuckles, the younger one cleaned the tear that tried to slip from the corner of his eye.

“Thank you.”

Ten nodded.

Yes, he was caring.

“Now eat, Junnie. I paid for it, and I don’t wanna see leftovers. Got it?”

🌻

Two days left until the new semester. The last Friday of summer vacation seemed to be, for some reason, filled by anxiety.

“You like those candies with the red filling, don’t you?”

Renjun nodded and quickly remembered that his cousin on the other side of the line could not see it. “Yes, but don’t bring those that have a flower on the package. They taste like medicine."

Kun laughed hearing the sound that Renjun had produced to show disgust. He stood from his seat, and took the bus card from his pocket. As the bus reached the stop, he scanned his card and went down.

“Yeah. Yeah. Understood. Want me to bring something else?”

“Nah.”

“I'll be there around 4. That’s alright?”

Since it was his last weekend before the new semester, and Kun had the weekend off, they decided to make a short trip.

Seemed that spending a short period with their family made both of them long for something… familiar.

A cultural village three hours from the capital seemed nice. They would take the express train and relax for the weekend.

Ten had given him permission with the promise of bringing back a souvenir.

He had also told Jeno, who apparently had something to do too during the weekend. The black-haired man did not even ask for details. And Renjun did not ask for details to him, too.

It was because he was afraid a question that had appeared in his mind a couple of sleepless nights ago would slip out of his mouth.

He could ask now. Since it was something that, in some way, involved Jeno and his cousin.

“Yes. It’s alright…” He changed the phone from one ear to another. “Ge,” he interrupted his cousin’s chattering. Kun remained silent, his way of telling him to continue talking. “Can I ask you something?”

He reached the crosswalk, expecting for the lights to change. There were three blocks of distance between the bus stop and his job.

“Is it something bad?”

“No. It's…” He lowered his voice, glancing at his sides. No, no one was close enough to hear it. They were speaking in their mother tongue, but… just in case. “It's about your rut." He could picture how his cousin was choking on his own saliva. “Don't think of anything weird, please. It's just… it’s nothing weird. I promise you.”

The light changed.

“I just… tell me. I don't… What do you want to know?”

If they were were face-to-face, he was sure he would throw up, completely embarrassed. He was going to ask his cousin to pretend he never said a thing before the call ended.

“It happens twice a year, right?”

“… Yes… why?”

“Six months? Every five or six months, usually? Or when does that work?”

“And you are asking me this, because?”

_ Because I know something is not right, and I need to understand it.  _

Kun sighed when he did not answer.

“When you feel like telling me, I’ll be glad to hear it.” He turned his head to look at both sides before crossing the street. “And, yes. It happens every 6 months, more or less. It depends on the alpha, but if it’s not twice a year, something is wrong.” He tried to say something, but his mind was blank. “Want to know more? I thought you’d already had this talk, but I don’t mind helping you.  _ Ya _ , you see? Kun- _ ge _ is always there for you. The oldest, the wisest. Oh, maybe you want to know what happens when the nodes under the kno–”

“ _ No! _ ” The pitch of his voice was higher. He was sure some people glanced at him. “I don't–”

“Weren’t you curious? Don’t need to be shy, ask your  _ ge _ .”

“I don’t wanna hear about you and your loneliness dealing with your horniness. I still feel traumatized by the time I found you with a carrot.” Kun whined on the other side of the line. “Yes, I do remember having found you with that poor thing deep in–”

Someone cleared his throat.

Renjun had not noticed that he was already standing right in front of the store he worked in. He also had not notice that he had chatted for a little too long there. There–where his boss, Ten, was.

Ten was peering over the rims of his glasses with an eyebrow subtly raised, and a cup of tea on his hand.

He quickly ended the call.

“Wanna share?”

Renjun gulped, feeling the blood run towards his face. “No.” Ten turned on his heels and entered the shop. “Wait. Do you understand Mandarin?”

A smirk appeared on the older’s lips.

Ten winked in response.

Yes, he was sure he had heard the last part.

🌻

Renjun could no longer feel his legs. Sitting on the floor with his legs crossed for more than an hour had made them completely numb. The moment he tried to stand up, an unbearable tingle inside his legs made him fall on the floor. With him, paint brushes resounded on the floor.

“You alright?!”

“Yes! The brushes made–”

“If you broke something, I’m taking it off from your paycheck.” Ten sang from the cash register, interrupting him.

“I know.” Ten chuckled hearing the irritated tone of his voice. If he tried to stand up again, he feared breaking a bone since his legs were extra jelly. He decided to take a short break, as he knew Ten would not come looking from him since the place was too dusty. According to the store manager, it was time for the monthly inventory, but he was sure it was the first inventory since the owner of the store left Ten in charge.

But he had no right to complain, Ten was giving him a day off.

He took his phone out of the pocket of his apron—the uniform Ten had managed to get him. He lied down on the floor, knowing he had to take a shower soon.

Two notifications.

An update on a game he started to play weeks ago, and someone liking a picture of him. He tapped the second notification.

As he scrolled down through other pictures of his friends, a bubble telling him that Donghyuck had sent him a message appeared.

A quick reply to his friend and his friend sent him a sticker.

He smiled.

Another reply and Donghyuck said that he was going to talk to him later.

He closed the chat, and he was welcomed with a view of his different chat rooms.

Some left unread.

Some that had not been in use since the beginning of the summer.

Some of his family.

Some of his old friends.

One that did not exist.

A contact from which he had not received nor sent a message. Not even a call.

He did not want to care, but his eyes fixed themselves on Donghyuck’s icon.

A picture.

Donghyuck, was there. Mark by his side.

A recent picture, because Donghyuck’s hair was ash gray.

They were hugging.

They were smiling.

They were together.

The color of Donghyuck's eyes had not changed, neither had Mark's.

They were not soulmates.

But they did not care.

They were together.

A little spark ignited inside him.

He chewed the inside of his cheek.

_ Breathe. _

Another bubble popped up that Renjun had no time to check because a bell rang.

The bell above the entrance door that indicated that a client had entered.

Renjun put his phone back in his pocket, shook his legs, feeling them again, and stood up.

He was sure Ten would call him soon if there was something he could not reach from the higher part of the shelves.

He made Renjun climb a stool to pick whatever was needed.

Both were short and Ten could easily climb the stool, but Ten was his boss and he enjoyed torturing him. As a reminder that he was one centimeter and a half taller than him.

Renjun dropped a box of charcoals and the clipboard he was using for the inventory.

He was sure some of the charcoals had broken, but the loud thud that came from the other side of the shop startled him.

Worry.

He almost tripped trying to run to where he knew Ten was. Only a curtain was separating the back of the store where only the employees were allowed from the busy front part where the items were exhibited. There on the front there was also the cash register.

Yes, they still received paper money.

Fear.

Renjun had nothing but a pink pencil in his hand as a weapon, but he knew that he could run to ask for help.

Every fatalistic scenario rushed through his head as he approached the other side.

He expected to smell despair or adrenaline, but there was something strange.

He was going to yell at the intruder, maybe try to intimidate the person, but he could not.

He was paralyzed.

The moment that scent reached his nose all of him froze.

Unique.

Magical.

He dared to say that even time stayed still.

His hands were grasping the fabric of the curtain, trying to get some support.

He felt dizzy.

He felt something burning inside him.

His eyes started to itch.

A sob.

A growl.

Right in the middle of the shop, Ten was crying and trembling.

Renjun did not dare to move closer to him.

He was not allowed to do it, theoretically.

His head started to hurt. His vision was blurry, and white noise was inside his head. The room started to spin. The air was dense and suffocating.

Ten was in the arms of his cousin, Kun, who was also crying and possibly hyperventilating.

Renjun had heard of it. There was a time when he desired it.

Consuming.

Frightening.

"I found you." The alpha’s voice quivered "I finally found you."

The omega whimpered.

Buried in each other arms. Holding the other as if they would disappear at any second.

_ So this is how soulmates meet. _

Renjun stumbled on his feet. The spell broke, and it made him fearful.

He hid himself at the back of the store.

Too much.

Too enchanting.

Something too personal for intruders.

Renjun supported himself against the wall as he slipped down the floor.

Confusion.

_ Why them? _

Sadness.

Emptiness.

_ Why not me? _

Anger.

_ Why not me? _

The spark transformed to a ball of fire.

He did not move for a while.

His heart was getting crushed inside his chest.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks. He had trouble breathing. His whole being trembled.

He muffled his cries, covering his mouth with his hands.

They were no longer alone.

No one but him was alone.

🌻

The summer was ending and that day, the sun was shining the brightest it had shone all summer.

It made feel Renjun sick.

That feeling was with him since the day before.

The sourness inside him manifested through his smell. He quickly tried to cover it up as the man in front of him grimaced.

The man paid for what he had bought, and Renjun stopped smiling when he turned around.

The bell rang, and he was alone in the store again.

Ten had asked him to cover for him that day. That day when he was supposed to be far from the city with his cousin. All the plans had changed.

Renjun's plans changed.

Ten and Kun's lives changed.

Ten and Kun.

His nails digged into the skin of his palms. A little more force and blood would appear. His jaw started to hurt due to the pressure with which he was clenching it. The blood on his veins was on fire.

The bell rang again.

Another client.

His lips trembled as distorted his features on a smile again.

🌻

**( * )**

10:36 p.m.

He arranged the light jacket on his shoulders and grabbed his bag. He turned off the light, and, immediately, the back part of the store was almost covered in darkness. Almost.

He checked again that the cash register was closed and that everything was in order. He turned off the lights at the front.

Walking as if he was on automatic mode, he closed the door of the store. He gave three turns to the keys of every lock.

He turned to his left, noticing that only three other stores on the block were still open.

It was a commercial district, and it was Saturday night.

Renjun gripped the handle of his bag. His eyes were fixed on the floor as he walked to the bus stop.

He had to catch the last bus.

Just a couple of pedestrians were still there. It was not a district known for clubs or the nightlife, but the led light from the signs of the stores did not make the scenario scary.

He crossed the intersection.

Two blocks.

Only a store was open in that block, no pedestrians at all.

Of course, the store was not open until such hours, but Renjun decided to stay there, arranging the new merchandise that had arrived. He suspected that Ten would not be able to do so, or anything, really, for the next days.

Since he was now  _ family _ … he decided to help.

The intermittent yellow light of the traffic light was still half a block from him. The open store was already behind him.

The wind ruffled the locks of his hair—as if the wind was kissing his face.

Footsteps.

Heavy footsteps.

A rough scent.

_ Is there…? _

Alarmed.

He walked faster.

He reached the crosswalk.

No cars at all.

The omega's chest started to heave up and down rapidly.

No, he convinced himself that it was just paranoia.

He crossed the street without caring about the red light.

One block.

No stores open, no pedestrians.

The footsteps were still behind him.

He walked even faster.

The stranger, too.

Maybe this time, it was not paranoia.

Threatened.

Heavy footsteps.

He had to turn around the corner and just a couple of meters more to reach the bus stop.

He turned the corner.

He cursed.

No open stores. No pedestrians. No one waiting on the bus stop. No bus or cars near.

He passed the stop.

He was not sure how many minutes he had to wait for the bus to come, but the worst decision would had been to wait there. He decided to keep walking until he found somewhere or someone that would help. He reached the intersection. He had no time to decide where to go and only turned to the left.

No open stores. No pedestrians. No cars.

Another curse.

He jogged.

The stranger, too.

Heavy steps were behind him, following him.

Afraid.

“Hey!”

He ran.

The stranger, too.

“Pretty thing, don’t go!”

A buzzing on his ears and his own heartbeat were what echoed inside his head. His vision started to go blurry as he saw that the sign of the traffic light far away.

Terrified.

He crossed the street.

No open stores.

No pedestrians.

No cars.

No light.

“Stop!” An order. An order from an alpha.

He stumbled on his feet as the word reached his ears.

The hoarse voice made him shiver.

The eyes of the man horrified him.

He had forgotten something really important, really basic.

Never make an alpha chase you.

Do not let the primitive instinct be triggered.

Do not become the prey.

His body crashed against a brick wall. All the air in his lungs disappeared as the alpha pressed his body against him. Imprisoning him in the middle of an empty street.

“I told you to wait." He stank. He reeked of a mixture of alcohol, something burnt, and his nauseous scent.

“Don’t you dare.” The warning came after the hand of the man slapped his face. The hand remained on the top of his mouth. He had tried to scream.

Tears blurred his vision. His whole body could not respond to him. All the weight of the man was upon him.

He felt every little movement of the man.

Disgusting.

Divine punishment.

That was what crossed his mind as the man keep talking and rubbing his body against Renjun.

That was his punishment for feeling envious of and angry at his friend.

That was his punishment for feeling envious of and angry at his cousin.

That was his punishment for feeling envious of and angry at someone who had only cared for him.

Everything happened so fast.

Renjun fell to the floor.

A ringing sound in his head.

The man was slammed against the wall.

Renjun was tugged by the wrist.

“Run!”

**( * )**

🌻

“Bottoms up.” The gentle old man gave him a smile as he passed him the bottle of water.

“Thank you." He sipped only a little bit of the water and, although the man had told him to drink it all, the man kept smiling at him.

The old man was a beta and worked there. The fact that he had no scent helped him calm down.

He had stopped crying and trembling after twenty minutes of their arrival to someplace else.

“Done?” The beta asked, and Renjun turned his head to the figure approaching them.

He maintained his distance, not sure if was allowed to get close.

His eyes were on a young man. His lips were plump, his nose small. His eyelashes were so long, and Renjun dared to say that the young man had a beautiful smile—that he had not seen it during that terrifying night.

He was the one who saved him.

“Yes, everything’s done.”

Renjun could see how the young man wet his lips, showing nervousness. The beta at his side nodded. Renjun did not need explanations.

They were in one of the district police booths. They were reporting the incident. Well, the young man that saved him was doing the paperwork since he could not talk or stop crying.

_ You were lucky. _

Those were the words of those in shift when they arrived. It was a small place. One for minor incidents. He knew that they could not do much, only be aware of such character in case of any encounter.

_ You shouldn’t be alone. _

He wanted to reply that people should not be attacking others, but he was worn down due to the many emotions he had that he decided to just keep quiet and try to forget such an incident. He also reprimanded himself for thinking he deserved it. No one deserved such a thing.

He had been mugged before, sadly. He tried to think that the man had only tried to rob him. He tried to comfort himself like that. Nothing too bad had happened. He pushed every bad thought deep inside him.

Something he had been practicing for a while.

Push everything inside and do not let it slip out.

He put it inside his chest, as in a box.

As the pandora box.

The bottle of water was pushed for him to take it. He gripped it closer to his chest.

The Beta stood. “You can go now.” He glanced at Renjun and cracked a small smile. He turned towards the other man and nodded.

Renjun thanked him and stood. Lucky for him that his legs did have strength to stand up, but his small stagger was quickly perceived by the young man.

“Careful.” He had tried to reach Renjun, but the latter shrunk into himself at the sudden approach. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” The young man cut himself off as he retracted his hands and took a step back, giving the omega some space.

“No, I–” His voice wobbled. “I–thank you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m really thankful.”

He did not want to look so affected, but the young man who had saved him was also an alpha, and his nerves could not handle something more for that night.

He could not handle himself during the last weeks, and he was tired.

He was exhausted, sad, and quite scared.

He just wanted to disappear for a while.

The alpha observed him and just nodded. His eyes showed worry.

Something nice from a stranger.

He was kind.

The beta interrupted, telling them that he had called a cab for them.

The alpha offered to escort him to it.

🌻

The summer breeze was still present. It was not that cold, but Renjun was still trembling a little bit.

He was glad that the alpha, standing two steps from him, had not said a thing and remained silent by his side.

They could had waited inside, but the aircon of the police booth was broken, and the air made Renjun nauseous.

The wind was blowing in the opposite direction from which the scent of the alpha could reach him. The alpha could smell him, but he tried not to think about it.

They had been waiting for almost fifteen minutes, but, since it was Saturday night, Renjun knew that they were already lucky to be assured that a taxi was coming.

“You aren’t from here, are you?” The voice of the alpha was deep and somehow comforting. Gentle, actually. Renjun did not want to be rude towards the nice stranger. He had been nice enough to wait with him. He had told Renjun that he was going to go on another ride. That he did not want to trouble him.

“No,” The omega tightened his arms around him. “I’m your friendly neighbor from the Northwest.” The ice-breaker joke that he had used for years sounded dry and embarrassing thanks to his trembling voice. But the alpha gifted him a little smile.

Yes, he had a beautiful smile.

The wind blew stronger.

Renjun turned his face down, facing the floor in embarrassment.

As the silence returned, he looked at the young man again. He opened his mouth, trying to continue the small chat, but he stopped himself, noticing the pair of brown big eyes on him.

His eyes were on him.

Curious.

The alpha’s eyebrows furrowed as he kept examining him. His eyes were enchanting.

Renjun was charmed.

The nice stranger kept looking at him.

Maybe a minute or two.

Renjun did not care.

The alpha parted his lips, trying to say something, but the honk of a car interrupted him.

The taxi had arrived.

“Thank you.” Renjun did not wait for an answer and went down the short staircase at the entrance of the police booth. As Renjun opened the door of the car, he stood there.

Sometimes the stars align and conspire to make your day as terrible as possible. Today, Renjun thought, was the day that the stars had given him a not too terrible day.

He turned and decided to take a last glance at the man that had helped him that night.

At least he could give him a smile as a last thanks. He thought he could ask for the name of the stranger and bury it in his mind as a reminder that there were also good people out there.

When their eyes connected, something clicked.

“Jeno.” The breeze turned cold. They were standing a couple of meters away, but Renjun could clearly hear what the man had said. Renjun did not know what expression he was making, but that made the other man keep talking. “You smell like Jeno.”

The wind stopped blowing.

🌻

Jaemin.

Jaemin was the name of the alpha who had saved him that night.

Jaemin was the name of Jeno’s friend.

Jaemin was Jeno’s friend who worked in the bakery—the reason why he was in the neighborhood where Renjun suffered from the incident.

Jaemin was the one sitting on the brown couch in Renjun’s apartment.

Jaemin was the only clue he had of Jeno, and, since Renjun was not sure about a single thing about Jeno, he did not want to let the chance go.

They were sitting in silence. Renjun recalled a scene months ago with Jaemin’s friend on the same sofa. The omega and his need to drag people inside his closed space.

There were no two people in the world who shared the same scent. Everyone knew it, and since, according to Jaemin, Renjun had the same scent on him, he was curious—for the lack of a better word.

Which was weird since he had not seen him for almost half a week. Renjun was not wearing a piece of clothing that he did not own. It was true that Jeno had always used whatever thing Renjun owned that fit him, but the situation was as odd as Jaemin pointed out on their way to the omega’s apartment.

_ Yes, it’s Jeno. _

It was what Jaemin had said the moment he set foot inside his apartment.

It seemed that Renjun had grown used to it that he did not notice that everything—including his own skin—had been poisoned by certain man.

“We were classmates.” Since the new semester started on Monday, and it was already Sunday, he decided to use the past tense.

“Are you also in Accounting?” Interesting. What a small world. Jeno and Mark shared the same major.

“No, it was a mandatory course. Need credits.”

Jaemin nodded. The three of them would have been enrolled in the same university if Jaemin had not transferred after his second semester. Reason why they had met in the first place.

Jaemin pressed his lips together.

Doubtful.

“He’s not good at making friends. Or talking with people… at all.”

Renjun sipped his cup of tea. So apparently, his assumptions were not wrong at all.

“Yeah, he’s not…” Renjun’s words faded as Jaemin scratched under his left eyebrow. A tic.

Silence.

“He hasn’t mentioned you.” Renjun’s throat clenched. Shortly after, the alpha realized how bad it sounded. “Well, it’s not like he tells me everything. I’m his only friend since he moved here, but that’s no–”

“He’s not from here?” The pure cluelessness in Renjun’s voice made Jaemin quiet. His brown eyes focused on him.

“You… you didn’t know?” Renjun bit his bottom lip, trying to relieve his nervousness. Shame, actually. “He hasn’t told you?”

Renjun decided to fixated his eyes on the cup in his hands.

Silence.

Jaemin scratched the same spot on his eyebrow. Maybe picturing the scenario.

“I–” The words would not appear. “It’s strange.” Renjun fixed a short strand of his hair behind his ear. He imagined what was going on inside Jaemin’s head. That was the reason why no one knew about it. If his scent was mixed with Jeno's, as pointed out by Jaemin, that mean that a certain level of intimacy—physical intimacy—existed. The blood rushed to Renjun’s cheeks. “I know this is unusual, and you may think that I–” It was difficult for him explain the odd situation. His bottom lip trembled. His voice broke. “I’m not a… I don’t–”

“There is nothing wrong.”

A bittersweet taste on the tip of his tongue.

The embarrassment transformed itself to anger.

The flame was still there.

His heart was going to burst out of his chest.

“We fuck," he declared out loud.

_ That's not wrong. _

"We fuck every single time we meet.” He approached the alpha, brushing his legs with his knees. He gulped down every bit of shame. “I know every single mole on his body. I know the sound of his voice when he is close. I know how many times I have to tug his dick for him to come.” Jaemin’s lips parted. “But I don’t know if he has a middle name. I don't know if he has siblings. I don't know what he likes or not. I didn’t know about you. You did not know about me and–”

_ That's wrong. _

And that moment was when Jaemin saw him cry for the second time since they had met.

The first time he had cried in front of someone that was not his family.

Not even Donghyuck had seen him cry like that.

  
  


4:43 a.m.

Jaemin was snoring on his sofa.

Renjun felt numb.

A headache had formed on the back of his head.

He checked that the blanket on Jaemin’s body covered him completely before leaving the living room.

He went to his room.

He collapsed above the sheets.

The last thing that crossed his mind before falling asleep were the last words he registered from their conversation.

_ I didn’t know he was into guys. You’re the first one I know. I mean, I only knew about this girl that always came around. She used to help him with his ruts when they started. Back in his hometown. You’re a boy, and… it’s new. Well, I don’t think it’s is a problem for him. His father is also an omega… _

He was welcomed by darkness and nightmares.


	6. He knows something is not right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I am sorry for the wait. The next chapters are the ones I knew since the beginning I will struggle to write the most and... yep.
> 
> This one is short, this one and the next were supposed to be one but... I did really (am still) struggling. After considering for a while, it seemed "right" for this one to be the way it is.
> 
> Thanks for waiting for it.

_ Breathe in. _

_ 1, 2, 3. _

_ Breathe out. _

_ 1, 2, 3. _

_ Breathe in. _

He somehow had mastered how to calm himself down in order to avoid releasing unpleasant or too raw scents. Living in a world in which your scent can tell more about what was in your heart than the words that left your mouth had disadvantages.

_ Breathe out. _

Renjun had been practicing for a while suppressing it.

Suppressing everything.

_ Breathe in. _

The annoying sound of the alarm startled the body behind him.

He closed his eyes.

_ Breathe out. _

The warm hand that was covering his belly gave it a little squeeze while a groan echoed right next to his ear. The legs that were entangled between his were removed, freeing them for the first time since they lied down on bed the previous night. The comforter disappeared around his body for a couple of seconds, making his body shiver from the cold winter wind that had sneaked in from the window.

Renjun faked a low moan as he hid his face on the pillow. As if he had woken up that moment and not ten minutes prior the alarm, as he always did.

As soon as the alarm had been turned off, Jeno turned and embraced the omega’s body, tilting it close to him. Both of his arms enclosed Renjun’s body as his lips traced behind his ear and made its way to his neck. Chills ran down all over him. The alpha gave a small peck where his scent gland was located before burying his nose there and inhaling the scent, as he always did.

_ Breathe out. _

For Renjun, feeling the heartbeat of the alpha against his back felt surreal. It felt surreal, even though most of their nights the omega was snuggled in between Jeno’s arms.

Renjun had never been able to face him again after one of the many nights in which the alpha barged inside his room, both of them afterwards naked and holding each other so close. Renjun had made quite an embarrassing sound that had made his already crimson face even redder. Jeno had let out a small laugh that made Renjun’s heart jump. Jeno had pushed himself up enough to see his face. His eyes had been on him. Staring at him for a couple of seconds with a frown. Renjun had been embarrassed and nervous as the alpha scrutinized his face. His tongue had tripped over itself in his mouth as he had tried to excuse himself, but the alpha had captured his lips and smiled. His eyes had formed two crescent moons, and he had noticed every single wrinkle thanks to their proximity. Renjun had felt as if everything inside him was being squeezed and something was tearing his chest apart. Something that had made him want to cry. From that moment onwards, Renjun could not look into the alpha’s eyes.

He even started to ask for the lights to be turned off, or to just grasp onto the hold on his waist as the alpha tried to turn him, pushing himself impossibly closer to make it difficult for him to be turned around.

Another peck, a light bite, and one last peck right on his neck were what he felt a moment before Jeno stood up and left him all alone in bed.

Jeno even tucked the comforter over him as he left.

He waited until the faint sound of the shower reached his ears for him to also leave the bed.

His legs wobbled slightly—a little dizzy—the moment he stood up.

It took him a couple of seconds to reorient himself.

He was in a rush. He needed to have everything ready.

Jeno didn’t like sugar, he preferred honey, and that’s why the omega’s cabinets were filled with the golden liquid. Jeno liked a certain pastry with red beans and butter, which the omega had bought the previous day. Just in case Jeno was hungry during the midday, the omega always wrapped a sandwich for him.

He left everything in place for the alpha to just take it and go to his morning class. They were almost reaching the half of the semester. It was obvious they were not going to share any more classes since their majors were different, but that did not change the fact that Renjun had memorized someone else’s schedule faster than his own. Something…  _ helpful _ .

It was helpful for the days Jeno had forgotten to turn on his alarm and something will  _ strangely _ fall from the nightstand, waking him up enough for him not to be late. Or for the days Jeno had a fully packed schedule, usually crashing at the omega’s place after, and the owner of the bed Jeno slept in would prepare many things,  _ unaware _ of his guest’s starving stomach.

Any implication of the events of the past months were something Renjun stopped himself from overthinking.

There was never a  _ thank you _ nor any word about it.

He ran to his bedroom.

He covered himself with the covers.

He snuggled under them, hiding himself.

Nothing had changed at all. He came. Renjun gave him something. Renjun was given a little company in exchange. No phone calls, only sporadic messages (maybe seven so far) between them. No interaction but the one inside his apartment. No chit-chats or dumb jokes. Nothing had changed, no matter what Renjun knew.

Well, no. Actually, something had changed. Something inside him. Something that was… growing.

Three seconds.

The door of the bathroom opened.

_ Breathe in. _

Footsteps.

_ Breath out. _

Something fell on the floor.

_ Breathe in. _

Ten seconds.

He left the room.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breath out. _

Nervous.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

Dizzy.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

Anxious.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

Nauseous.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

Footsteps.

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

The door opened.

_ Hold on. _

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

_ Hold on. _

The door closed.

_ Hold on. _

Footsteps.

_ Hold on. _

A door was closed.

He left.

Silence.

_ Breath out. _

Let it out.

Two seconds.

His muffled cry could not be heard even if someone was a couple of meters away from him. The pillow now had a really big, dark spot thanks to the wetness of his tears and the bites he was giving it as he tried to hush himself. Whimpers and low screams left his mouth. His nails dug into the mattress as if he was trying to look for some support.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Bathroom.

Tripping over his feet, he ran, leaving the bed behind.

A salty taste was on his mouth, and the next thing he knew his stomach was being emptied.

He crunched himself on a corner of the bathroom.

The floor was cold.

His head was spinning.

The inside of his mouth was bitter.

And his tears were drying off.

Renjun wrapped his arms around his legs, pushing them close to his chest.

“You okay?” He asked himself as he felt that tingling in his throat.

Something was not right.

💐

Renjun found himself in the hospital three weeks later.

Waiting to take a blood test.

An alpha by his side.

It was not Jeno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will start with a kind of flashback


	7. He says that he loves him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: The chapter contains Mild Violence and Blood (not... a lot. Someone gets scratched, but... just in case) 
> 
> First of all, I'm sorry for the absence of months. As mentioned before, I did really struggled with this chapter and... I honestly hope that you like it -in certain way. I am myself not sure to feel pleased with it. As you might have noticed, I added another chapter to the list. This was supposed to be the second to last, but as I re-read everything... I think it was needed. At the notes at the end I will explain it in further detail. Thank you for waiting for it.
> 
> The first scene is a kind of flashback... more or least. Just in case if it is confusing.

_ “You don’t seem to be… good.” _

The statement that had left Ten’s lips had not been productive at all. And Renjun’s humor wanted to say that, between the both of them, the one who had been bitchy for quite a bit was him. However, he held himself together, knowing that mentioning certain things to his boss will make the huge elephant in the room bigger. Ten’s unmarked neck was a matter that Renjun knew he had no right to mention and, to be honest, he tried not to think about. He even avoided taking a direct look at Donghyuck’s neck when he walked with loose shirts.

_ “Jun, you ok?” _

Renjun rolled his eyes and kept arranging the items on the crystal counter without replying.

_ “Renjun.” _

The bell rang, announcing the arrival of a new customer, and Renjun ran to the back of the store, escaping from any further interrogatory. He supposed that he had ten minutes before Ten was free again.

He put the almost empty box of sticky notes on the floor before leaning against the wall. He took a deep breath and took support from the wall. If not, he knew he would end up on the floor. His head was spinning.

Ten had been grumpy for the last month, but Renjun knew deep inside that Ten cared about him. He cared about him, although in multiple occasions Ten had made really mean comments. The older omega was curious about the deplorable state of his subordinate. Renjun had knew his appearance had not been the best the past couple days. Pale, bloodshot eyes, dark bags under his eyes, cold hands, a trembling body, and, thanks to Ten mentioning him smelling weird, he was sure he also stank.

Renjun closed his eyes, the throbbing inside his head intensified.

His body was heavy, and he felt that pressure in his chest that did not let him breath.

A knot was formed in his stomach.

He was even sleepy.

It was not a cold; he had been sure of that.

_ It was Jeno. _

He crouched on the floor, his knees on his chest and his face hidden.

_ It was Jeno. _

Jaemin had now become an acquaintance of his. Renjun was close to considering him a friend. He had been surprised the first time Jaemin’s number appeared, notifying him of an incoming call. Jaemin had given him his number the morning after their first encounter. His calls were now something usual for the omega. Some nice messages during long days were what he found usually. Four were the times he had come to the store when Renjun was on his way out. He was someone caring; and, although he usually made some flirty remarks, he kept updating Renjun with things about Jeno. Jaemin was like a bridge between them, because… Renjun was not sure about it, too.

Jeno did not know they had met.

Renjun had asked Jaemin to not say a thing, and either Jaemin had kept his promise, or Jeno… did not care at all.

But Renjun convinced himself that the first option was a little more plausible, considering the lack of mention of Jaemin’s name between them. But, honestly, it was not that Jeno was the talkative type.

Jeno’s rut was coming.

_ Thank you, Jaemin, for the info. _

He wanted to mock the information that Jaemin had let slip through the phone, but Renjun lost his voice, unable to continue.

_ He has someone else. _

That was what crossed his mind two weeks ago after hearing the news from Jaemin.

Fourteen days of sleepless nights. Fourteen days overworking himself in order to have his mind somewhere else. Fourteen days torturing himself with every fatalistic scenario. Two days since the last time he saw Jeno.

_ I have to do something. I… I won’t come for a while. _

That was how Jeno had excused himself. At least, he had the decency to tell him this time. Yes, he suspected that six months ago—close to finals week last semester—Jeno had disappeared for the same reason.

The skin on his lips started to tear due the pressure he was putting on it, trying to contain any sound that threatened to leave.

_ A cry? A mourning? _

He  _ had _ tried to be apart from him. He really did try.

He tried to avoid him. It was right after Jaemin had told him about… that possible other person. He knew that he needed to confront Jeno. That he needed to finally clear things up. However, that made him long for Jeno. He had tried to avoid someone who was not even avoidable. The only place of encounter with Jeno had been his apartment, and Jeno was the one who appeared at his door every time. It was a stupid idea. Or that was his conclusion five days later when he had found Jeno inside his apartment, sleeping soundly on his bed. He had thrown himself onto the bed, and had ended up making a nest with the alpha in it.

He could not handle the darkness of the night by his own.

As long as he could keep someone there, he will endure whatever was needed.

He kept repeating that to himself.

Lately, he was more clingy. And the fact that the alpha was going into his rut made Renjun more needy. It seemed that his own body was preparing itself for something that did not correspond to him, that did not involve him.

Lingering and subtle touches that the alpha did not seem to mind.

_ He has someone else. _

It even seemed that Jeno’s scent had impregnated itself onto him since he said he was going to be  _ busy _ . Renjun perceived that his scent had mixed with Jeno’s. Renjun had believed that his mind was playing tricks for his own delusion.

_ I’m only rotten that’s all. _

Renjun held his breath, feeling that salty taste in his mouth. He knew it was a false alarm because his stomach had been empty since last night. 

He had been throwing up quite too often, too.

He had bitterly joked about catching a stomach bug to cope with Jeno’s absence.

The bug will keep him company.

Two days and he was already so pathetic, according to himself.

“ _ Renjun _ !” Ten called him. The bell had not rung again, so he knew that it had something to do with the client.

_ Breathe. _

_ Hold on. _

He stumbled on his feet, walking to the front of the store.

Renjun’s last memory before fainting was an image of Ten trying to reach him.

⚘

He was in a hospital. Specifically, Renjun was sitting in front of an empty desk. He was in the waiting area.

“No one has come yet?” Jaemin asked, approaching him.

Ten had been with him the moment he woke up in the E.R. Yes, Ten called an ambulance and was with him as he was being checked by the doctors.

Dehydration.

That was the main reason. Add the his lack of sleep and that he had been unconsciously starving himself.

“ _ You’re sure he isn’t pregnant? _ ”

And that was how Renjun and Jaemin had been nagged by Ten in the middle of the E.R. after hearing about Renjun not being under suppressants during his heats. Jaemin was dragged into the mess because…

“ _ I thought he was your alpha. _ ” Ten had peered at his messages and was sure he had witnessed Jaemin waiting for him during one of the few occasions he had offered to escort him to the bus stop. Renjun is not sure how, but Ten had managed to contact Jaemin, who then appeared there in the hospital as soon as possible.

Renjun had to yell that Jaemin was not the culprit, which made Ten even more furious and, after a lot of convincing—with Renjun almost bursting into tears—he had managed to send Ten home, only after making him promise not to tell Kun about it.

In exchange he had to run a certain blood test.

“ _ I want to be sure. You smell… weird. _ ”

Certain personal matters had been now disclosed. Half of the staff of the E.R. knew, plus three other patients, his boss, and a newly acquired acquaintance.

Jaemin sat by his side passing him a plastic cup with tea. On his hands, he held a cup of coffee, which he quietly sipped.

The ticking of the clock resounded through the room.

Renjun tried to apologize for all of the inconvenience he had caused, but Jaemin quickly dismissed it.

“ _ You need someone here. _ ”

That was what he had said. He felt sorry, knowing that if things had not happened the way they did, Donghyuck would have been the one by his side, scolding him. But shame was the only thing that filled his mind the moment he thought about calling Donghyuck.

Shame because he kept avoiding being with his friend, afraid that something not nice would leave his lips.

Shame because he had lied countless times to his friend, using lame excuses.

Shame because when they had finally fought, he knew it was because of him.

Shame because he was not the even one who had looked for the other to make up.

Shame because he could only feel envious of his friend.

Shame because he knew the only one guilty for this situation was him.

Shame because he had not told anyone willingly and directly about what’s been going on with him the past couple of months.

Shame because he knew something was not right, yet he kept going with it.

Shame because… if he was pregnant, it was because of his mere selfish wishes.

Shame because he couldn’t stop thinking that being pregnant, for him, was… a chance.

_ He was rotten. _

“Hey, hey, no.” Jaemin turned to him as the strangled sob that left his lips startled him. Renjun’s bottom lip was covered in blood because he had been trying to mute himself. Renjun flinched as the alpha had tried to touch him in a way of comfort. It made Renjun feel worse.

“I–I–” His voice cracked, and he stared at the ceiling. He blinked, trying to dissipate the tears that threatened to fall.

“You will make it through this…”

_ What? Me? _

“It’s not–” He could not continue.

“It happens.”

“Just because my scent is different doesn’t mean that I’m pregnant.” He sucked the blood on his bottom lip as he tried to chew on it again. A way to relieve stress. “And I don’t… smell like him. You just…  _ No _ .”

The comment that Jaemin had slipped had made Ten even more worried.

That was why Ten had said he was stinking.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have said that, but your boss was really concerned about you. And, I thought it would help somehow.”

The tea on his hands was becoming cold.

“Ten’s not just my boss. He’s… important. I’m… important to him, too.” A little of the pressure on his chest disappeared, just a little. “That’s why I didn’t want him to know about… it.” A deep red colored his cheeks.

“If you are pregnant, every–”

“I’m not.  _ I’m not.  _ Why do you all think I am?” The look that Jaemin gave him colored his cheeks an even deeper color. “I’m not a complete idiot, okay? I knew what I was doing when I did it. I was the one who chose it. I’m the one who decided to do it.… ” The words faded from his mouth, unable to continue as they sank in. Renjun was thankful for Jaemin’s silence.

“It’s something strangers should not meddle in it, right?”

_ Anger _ .

“I’m the stranger here.”

Jaemin sighed, not sure what to say.

The clock kept ticking.

It was close to 10 p.m.

“You both chose it. You both chose it when you met each other.”

Renjun stood up, making part of the content from his cup spill to the floor.

“Renjun!”

“I need to find someone to do that test.” He tried to escape, going into one of the corridors that was connected to that side of the hospital, but Jaemin quickly grabbed his coat, making him turn. “If I don’t appear tomorrow with that test in hand, Ten is going to tell my cousin and things will not go right for me. I need to–”

“You need to stop.” Renjun’s lips tensed onto a line with the harsh tone Jaemin used to speak to him. “That’s what you need. You need to stop. Renjun, this will not end up right. You need to  _ talk _ .” Renjun moved, trying to free his clothes from Jaemin’s, but he took a step closer and grasped his arm. Something inside him made him repulse at the alien touch. “If you want to keep with this, it’s your choice, but talk. You need to talk. You…” Jaemin let out all the air out from his lungs and groaned. Renjun flinched. “Jeno is an idiot. I don’t understand how he got into this mess but he’s–”

“ _ Mess _ ? Am I a mess?”

“No, wait. That’s not what I meant. It’s–”

A harsh reality.

“Fucking an omega boy is troublesome, isn’t it?”

“No, Renjun. Please, don’t–”

Renjun nodded, bitterly smiling. His lower lip trembled. “Are you here because you need to keep up with the news about me? To see the mess that your friend has made? To make sure I–”

“No, Renjun. It’s–” Jaemin interrupted himself, opening and closing his mouth, trying to formulate the most appropriate thing to say.

“Just tell me the truth.” Some tears that wanted to fall were trapped on his eyelashes. Renjun blinked. “Why are you here?”

Three seconds.

“Why do you care?”

Five seconds.

“I’m here because for some reason Jeno keeps you a secret.” Jaemin hissed. “Because I felt his scent on you, and you on him every time we met. Because Jeno has lost enough and…” He took a deep breath. His eyes fell to the floor, avoiding the omega’s eyes. “I truly don’t understand what is going on. I… don’t understand anything.” Jaemin went quiet.

Renjun’s heart was beating fast. Jaemin lowered his voice.

Shame.

“I told him.” His voice was almost a whisper. A mixture of disbelief and anger. Renjun felt something crush in his chest. “I know what he’s doing is not right. So, when your boss called me, I told him right away. Well… He… I called him, and he picked up the phone.” Silence. “I told him and…”

“And?”

_ He is not here. _

“I told him that you were driven to the hospital, and… he cut the call.”

Silence.

“He didn’t say anything after I told him about you… he just… he…”

_ He does not care. _

Guilt.

“You feel guilty, right?”

Jaemin’s eyes were still everywhere but on him. He dropped his hand, freeing Renjun.

“He’s not a bad person. He is not… You… He… I don’t understand. I’m his friend, but you…”

_ I’m nothing. _

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

“His rut, right?” Jaemin nodded. Renjun felt a knot form in his throat. “He’s with her, right?”

A little bit of surprise mixed with guilt was in Jaemin’s eyes.

Jaemin opened his mouth. He could not make any sound. Now it was Renjun avoiding his gaze. Jaemin answered, anyway.

“Maybe.”

Renjun bit his lip again. His blood was salty and a little bitter.

“Is she… nice?” Renjun’s hands were trembling a little bit, and his nails kept digging into his skin. “She’s cute, right?” No answer. “She must smell nice. She has to be pretty. She surely has smooth skin and a lovely laugh. She–”

“Renjun,” Jaemin tried to interrupt.

“You have met her, right?” He raised his head, and his watery eyes made Jaemin tense even more. “He must have introduced her to you. He has talked about her with you, right? She… she must…” He could not end the statement. His voice was trapped in his mouth, right behind the cry he did not want to free.

He could not even breath properly.

Jaemin stretched his hand. Renjun averted him, not wanting to be touched by him. Jaemin did not pursue him.

Renjun almost pierced the skin of his palms with his nails, understanding something.

“I’m a secret. I’m a stranger. I’m… I’m only someone  _ convenient _ for him.” His legs trembled and his voice quivered.

Four seconds.

“I… I–I know that, and I’m okay with that.”

“You–”

“You okay?” Both of them turned at the unfamiliar voice. Someone with a white uniform was staring at them. She had a clipboard and some plastics bags in her hands. A nurse.

He avoided Jaemin’s eyes and rushed to her.

His cheeks were red now being him the one ashamed. Jaemin pressing the lips of his mouth loss of any word.

“Huang Renjun. I’m here for a blood test.”

⚘

The thin, fragile glass-like texture broke inside his mouth as the taxi stopped. Jaemin quickly payed, and Renjun murmured a thanks to the driver.

The cold breeze of winter made him shiver.

He wrapped his arms, seeking for some warmth.

His own.

The minty taste of the sweet he was sucking had already faded from his mouth as he started walking towards the building of his apartment.

“You don’t have to.” He did not even turn, as he knew that Jaemin had dismissed the taxi. Eleven meters was the distance between the street road and the entrance of his building, but Jaemin was still behind him.

Jaemin had run out of anything to say after the nurse bickered with him when he asked for the results to be given immediately.

“ _ The laboratory doesn’t work overnight. And, being honest, his smell already tells that, if he  _ is _ pregnant, the kid is not yours, sir. _ ” 

Renjun remembered that Jaemin’s face was tinted with red, but he was too tired to correct the woman or to say for the umpteenth time something about his smell or his condition. The result were supposed to be ready the next morning.

He was… tired.

He took out his keys from his pocket and, before he could say something, Jaemin spoke.

“Do something about it.”

Renjun closed his eyes. The dryness glued them like that for a couple of seconds.

Two seconds.

“Thank you.” Renjun turned, seeing the boy standing a couple of meters away from him.

The concern on his face now made Renjun feel guilty.

_ If only things were different. I’m sorry about this mess. I’m sorry for being a mess. _

“Renjun, just… rest. Please, go to rest.”

Renjun gave him a little smile, which Jaemin mimicked.

Both were tired.

“Thank you.” Jaemin nodded and Renjun turned again trying to open the door.

Before he could close the door, Jaemin spoke. Something that was had been his mind for the last couple of hours, and maybe since the moment he had heard about everything, Renjun assumed.

“Do you really love him that much?”

⚘

His steps were heavy, and the pressure on his shoulders made him slower.

_ Do you really love him that much? _

The compression on his chest did not disappear as he reached the fifth floor.

_ Do you love him that much? _

The lights of the floor turned on automatically as he stepped there.

_ Do you love him? _

_ Do you love him? _

_ Do you love him? _

Renjun’s legs finally failed him, making him fall on his knees.

_ Do you… love him? _

Many things went over his head at that moment. Some tragic, some delusional. Mostly bad things.

Silence.

He knew the answer.

He drove his hands to his mouth.

He firmly pressed them against his mouth.

He inhaled all the air he possibly could.

He shrunk upon himself.

A tingling inside his throat appeared. That sensation that always appeared when he felt as if he was going to cry.

Right in front of his door, he let it go.

He cried.

He cried.

He could not take it more.

Not anymore.

No.

No.

No.

Alone.

Forgotten.

Convenient.

The lights on the floor turned off as no further movement could be detected.

He was weeping right in front of his door. He was alone and crying there.

Darkness.

Fear.

Alone.

A whimper escaped from his lips, scaring him.

He had been loud.

No one needed to know.

No one.

He was alone.

He, by himself, had to deal with it.

He. Alone.

He. Alone.

He-

Someone had heard him.

He panicked not having an excuse when a door was opened.

But his mind was soon empty when the door that opened was the one in front of him.

His door had opened.

Donghyuck?

Kun?

Jeno.

The lights on the floor turned on again as the man appeared in front of him.

Renjun was petrified as Jeno was standing in front of him.

Jeno had his hair the long enough to cover his eyes. His hair was disheveled and a little wet. He was wearing a sweatshirt and loose sweatpants. He was barefoot, and he was not wearing his glasses.

His cheeks and lips were red.

Three seconds.

_ Why are you here? _

Jeno kneeled in front of him.

_ Aren’t you supposed to…? _

Jeno’s hands felt like they were on fire when they touched his skin.

He was cupping his face.

“Renjun?”

The mere mention of his name made him moan.

It was sick.

Everything was sick.

Renjun was confused.

Renjun was scared.

_ He was here. _

He was  _ here _ , seeing Renjun cry.

A pale, stinky, crybaby omega.

Renjun hated it.

He hated everything.

It was sick.

_ Why are you here? _

_ Why? _

_ Weren’t you supposed to…? _

_ But…? _

_ You… _

Jeno opened his mouth, but before he could say something, Renjun’s body moved on its own.

_ Do something about it. _

Renjun slapped him.

At first, he was not sure what he did. But then, everything made sense. For him, it made sense.

“Do something about it.” Jaemin’s voice echoed in his head.

_ It’s now or never. _

Disbelief.

Confusion.

“Ren–”

Another slap.

A punch.

A scream.

Hate.

Frustration.

Exhaustion.

Renjun was struggling, trying to put Jeno under him. A mixture of whimpers and growls left his lips. Jeno did not do anything to stop him.

He hated the fact that he was weak.

He hated the fact that he was born as an omega.

He hated the fact that he needed someone.

He hated the fact that he was not lov…

He paralyzed the moment a faint smell reached his nose.

_ Blood. _

The metallic scent filled his nose.

Jeno had a scratch on his face. A red line on his left cheek. Renjun’s annular fingernail was covered with blood.

Fear.

Panic.

A door opened.

One of his neighbors.

Renjun only saw a green blurred spot before he was dragged inside his apartment. The door was closed right behind Jeno.

Renjun was trembling, seeing a drop of blood making its way down Jeno’s neck. Jeno was busy with his ear on the door, trying to hear anything from the other side.

The only light that was lit was the one in the living room. It illuminated the hall where they were. He froze there, not knowing what he had to do.

He had hurt Jeno, and…

Jeno turned. Maybe his neighbor let it pass and was not going to complain about the noise, or maybe it was too late. But, Renjun’s attention was only on Jeno. Jeno frowned when his eyes laid on him.

Renjun got worried.

Jeno drove his fingers to the wound and inspected the blood on his fingers.

Two seconds.

He looked at Renjun again, but the frown had disappeared. He did not show any emotion on his face. He was only blinking at him as if Renjun—minutes ago—had not just slapped and tried to drag him to the floor.

He blankly stared at him.

Incredulity.

One second.

Fury.

_ I can’t not even make you feel anger. Anything? Am I so unworthy for even despise? _

It was sick.

He pushed Jeno with enough strength to make his back hit the door and for the air in his lungs to leave.

But Jeno collided with the door and did not move at all.

As if he did not care.

_ This is not alright. _

_ This has to end. _

Renjun’s hands reached for him.

_ This is not good for me. _

Renjun tried to shake him.

_ This is sick. _

Renjun cried, hitting his chest with his fists.

_ I have to let you go. _

Renjun felt his arms ache with each exhausted hit.

_ You have to go. _

Renjun whimpered at every movement.

_ I can’t. _

He stopped.

“I can’t.” His hands were grabbing at Jeno’s clothes. He had not noticed that all his body had lost its strength, as Jeno had his arms around him, helping him stand. His voice was raspy, and he was tired.

That was all.

_ I can’t. _

_ This is all. _

Jeno had his eyes on him.

Now or never.

That was the moment.

_ I can’t hit you. _

“I can’t hit you.”

Tears fell.

_ I can’t do this anymore. _

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Sobs left his lips.

_ I… _

_ I… _

_ I can’t lose you. _

_ If you go, everything is over. _

_ I can’t let you go. _

_ I don’t want to be alone. _

_ I’m scared. _

Renjun pushed himself forwards. He hugged him with all his remaining strength. The abrupt movement made Jeno lose his balance. Jeno collided again against the door, Renjun collapsed on top of him.

“I love you,” Renjun said.

_ Do you love him that much? _

_ I don’t. But I don’t want to lose him. _

_ I’m rotten, I know. _

_ This is sick. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have noticed, I added another chapter to the list. 
> 
> I did this because this story was supposed to have a second part. One in which Jeno's point of view was what we had. No, it was not going to be all what Renjun lived from his point of view, but what came in their next years (yeah, years) -the first chapter was right after what was going to happen here in the last chapter... but right now I do not feel able to write about it. Jeno's story. I do have time to write it, but the plot of the story makes me struggle (I had already written the plot even before I had posted the first chapter of this story, but as I read over again what is supposed to happen I feel that something is lacking and I keep struggling ). So, as I find the way -I will do it, but I need time and honestly want to write other things that I had piled up because I wanted to finish this first- I decided to add another chapter. One that will give you a glance of Jeno, at least something meantime. 
> 
> I will write the second part of this story -not now, but I will-, I promise it and although it may seem that I have neglected the story whenever I had free time I keep adding things, so... just give me a little more of time.
> 
> I am sorry for the wait, again. 
> 
> And thank you for every comment. It makes me happy know what you think. I'm awkward replying them, but... well...


	8. Resignation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: I noticed that some of Renjun’s feelings were not addressed explicitly, but during the story clues were given. And it probably will feel uncomfortable for many how Renjun sees/describes himself, he despises himself. So, if you decide to read, please do it with caution. Also, one of the characters is manipulative and acknowledges it himself, so this is another warning.
> 
> I feel like I had to address it before it started. So, here we are. Hi, it’s been a while. Sorry for that. For ALL the wait. The most important thing: I hope YOU ALL are healthy and well. On these crazy times, I wish for you to be okay (he, irony. Later you will understand). Honestly, I wish that you are alright. Now, this is the last chapter -of this first part (Someday, someday I will write the second part that is from Jeno’s point of view of somewhere in the future. Someday, sorry for not doing it now but I honestly KEEP struggling with it and I need and want to do other things I have planned. and want to do other things I have planned for a awhile and feel that you will like it). So, as I told you I had prepared an extra chapter -occurs during fall somewhere between the 5th and 6th chapter. It’s from Jeno’s POV. A glance of his mind -tiny, tiny. All the next chapter occurs in… 24 hours? Sort of.  
> There are things that can -are- left unanswered but will be addressed on the future (someday). Maybe not many, I think.  
> Thank you for the wait.
> 
> A HUGE thank you to Z. That lovely person beta-ed? this. Thank You :) (Truly, I own her a lot. She helped a lot... thanks)

Renjun was smaller, lighter, more delicate, more sensitive, more submissive. Renjun was more omega than many—if that made sense. At least, that was what he had been telling himself.

He was also stubborn when he wanted something—only when he did decide to focus on the bright side of things. His stubbornness had made him take an alpha bigger—not that much, but he was really heavy—than him on his shoulders and move him across his apartment.

No more than fifteen minutes ago, Renjun had woken up in the middle of the hall. He had fallen asleep on the floor, which was too cold and too hard. Both of them had fallen asleep there. Half of Renjun’s body was caged by Jeno’s. The alpha was nestling in his chest. His eyelids were heavy, but Renjun was aware they were hours away from dawn and that every part of his body that Jeno had contact with was hot and wet. The alpha was sweating and, although he was still asleep, his breathing was becoming erratic.

Renjun’s nose picked up a certain scent that immediately woke him up—in many senses.

“Here,” he said as he carried—dragged—Jeno to his bedroom. He bit his lower lip, which still had some remains of his blood on it, as Jeno’s body collapsed on his bed. He had tried to shake Jeno in order to wake him up, but, after a couple of minutes, he had only managed to make the alpha blink, disoriented, and snuggle closer to him, mumbling incoherent things.

Maybe his mind was on a feverish dream.

Renjun could not blame him—it was his rut.

And he was there, with him.

And Renjun was going to take care of it.

He fixed Jeno onto the middle of the bed. Renjun could notice a fine layer of sweat on his forehead, thanks to the effort of moving Jeno to his bed. Without giving it a second thought, he climbed onto his bed, on top of Jeno. The omega positioned himself right above the alpha’s stomach. Each of his legs caging the alpha’s hips. The latter groaned thanks to the pressure.

“Don’t worry. I got this,” Renjun whispered as his hands started to roam the alpha’s body, peeling his clothes off of him. Jeno did not move at all, eyes still closed.

The moment he took Jeno’s sweatshirt off, he froze. It was not because the alpha had nothing under it and his torso was naked. It was because some dried blood had made its way down until one of his collar bones. Renjun softly drove his finger to the scratch on Jeno’s face.

A trembling sigh left his lips.

Renjun had confessed that he loved him. He had buried his face in his chest as the words burst out of his mouth. He was afraid that if they looked into each other’s eyes, Jeno would had been able to see his lie.

He had told Jeno that he loved him.

He had told that in order to keep him… to _retain_ him.

_I can’t lose him._

At least he had not said that he maybe was pregnant or actually got pregnant in order… to not lose him. At least a little of bit conscience was still in him.

At least.

Renjun had not moved from the alpha’s chest. And the alpha had not pushed him away. He had not done anything. Renjun had cried against his chest until there were no tears left. Jeno had remained still. Every passing second had been a torture for the omega.

_I can’t lose him._

_I can’t lose him._

He had kept repeating that to himself, counting every second. Jeno had been quiet and still.

Jeno had been plastered against the door. The omega in his chest trembling and sobbing. Renjun had not been sure how much time had passed, but the moment Jeno had put his hands on his shoulders, trying to separate them, Renjun had felt his world collapse.

As the omega refused to meet his gaze, the alpha had drove his hand to his cheek, making his face turn, asking to look him in the eye.

_It’s over._

As Renjun’s eyes had met with Jeno’s, he had known.

_He heard it. He heard that I love him._

He had no more tears to cry. He had nothing more than an apology at the tip of his tongue.

 _I’m sorry for saying that I love you_.

Renjun’s heart had beaten faster as Jeno scrutinized his face.

Saying that he loved him was a bet. Jaemin had said that Jeno was not a bad guy, and Renjun was desperate.

He knew he had been guilt tripping Jeno, but… he had been lonely.

He had been scared.

Renjun’s eyes soon caught the mark he had left on Jeno’s face. His trembling and cold fingers had lingered over the skin. He had tried to touch it, to clean the dried blood, but Jeno had averted from his touch.

_It’s over._

_“I’m sorry.”_ Renjun’s voice had broken, and he had whimpered as soon as he said that. He had closed his eyes.

Shame.

Frustration.

Pain.

He had tried to put some distance between them, but Jeno soon had taken his hands in his.

Renjun’s heart had gone to his throat.

His eyes had been on him. An unreadable expression on the alpha’s face. The omega’s heart in pieces.

Twenty-three.

Without saying a word, Jeno had made him lie down on the floor.

His mind was blank when he… when he caressed his cheek.

In silence, Jeno had placed his head on his chest.

He had not said that he loved him back. He had not pushed him away. He… had stayed there by his side.

He had not said a thing but had stayed there. Minutes went by, neither of them had moved. With Jeno listening to his broken heart beat, both of them had fallen asleep.

His sight blurred again, and he shook his head, emptying it from any thoughts.

With the back of his hand, he cleaned the tears that tried to fall on the tip of his nose. He held his breath as he moved his hands to the twine of Jeno’s sweatpants. As his fingers disentangled the string and tried to untangle them, Jeno became conscious again.

“Stop.” The alpha’s raspy voice made him still. Chills were sent throughout his body.

Fear.

Jeno pushed himself up, sitting on the bed. Renjun was pushed back and ended up sitting on his lap.

The omega was scared.

The alpha rubbed his eyes, trying to get a hold of their reality. Jeno’s hair was tickling his forehead, he was panting, and his breath was fanning his face. His eyes were on him.

He was not completely gone, maybe in a couple of hours, but he was burning.

The omega had wanted to take advantage of it, but he had been slow.

“I will do it. I will do it. Don’t worry.” His words stumbled out of his mouth as he tried to push him onto the bed again. He could not move Jeno at all.

“No, wait. I don’t–” Jeno moaned as Renjun was biting the skin on his neck. Sucking and kissing anxiously.

_I will do whatever you want._

Renjun tried to strip himself off his own clothes, but he was stopped by Jeno’s hands.

“No, no…” The alpha struggled.

_Please, don’t say that. I will do whatever you want._

“Let me. Let me,” Renjun quickly asked, his hands moving to the bulge on the alpha’s pants.

He could not reach it.

With an abrupt movement, the alpha pinned him down against the bed.

“Don’t.” It was almost an order. _Almost._

_No, no. I will do it._

“Please,” he begged.

He did beg.

 _You are here. You are here. You chose me. You chose_ me _. Let me do it. Let me do it. Don’t throw me away. I—_

_I only have you._

_You… I only have you, Jeno._

_You are the last and the first thing I see most days._

_You’re the reason why I don’t skip my meals, because I hate eating alone. You’re why I can sleep at ease at night, feeling protected from the dark._

_You’re why I started liking honey over sugar._

_You’re the reason I can look forward to something during the days you’re not there._

_When I’m with you, I don’t feel jealous of others._

_You kiss me._

_You hug me._

_You… you act as if you love me._

_Even if it’s for a while, I’ll pretend that you love me._

_When your eyes are on me when we lie in bed, too exhausted to even speak, too sleepy to ask anything._

_When you caress my hair telling me to go to sleep, that you’ll take care of everything._

_When you came that one time, tired, and we ended up just sleeping on the couch—nothing more than sleeping in each other’s arms the whole afternoon._

_When you play with our intertwined fingers as you feed me something._

_I can pretend that you love me and… that it isn’t a payback for opening my legs for you whenever you want._

_It’s like that, right?_

_You never give explanations, and… you never say anything. I can’t say anything too, because that will be the end._

_And, I can’t lose this._

_I can’t lose the leftovers of something I will never have._

_I can’t._

A growl resonated in the room.

“Renjun, don’t.” Now the alpha was fully awake.

Jeno had his wrists caged over his head. Both of his legs were separating his, and his heavy breath gave the impression that he was hyperventilating.

He was… mad.

The lights were off, and a strange mixture of the orangish light from the street lamps illuminated the room. Half of Jeno’s face was tinted with the room’s darkness.

Jeno was shutting his eyes close.

“Don’t–don’t do it,” Jeno mumbled.

Desperation.

“Why?”

Silence.

“Why not?”

Silence.

“Why can’t I do it? You always do it for me. Let me–Let me do it.” Strangled cries left his mouth.

Jeno was still over him… with his eyes closed.

_Don’t go away._

_Don’t leave me._

The pressure on his wrists augmented, but what pained him most was the silence.

There were many things that they needed to talk about. Many characters that do not fit in whatever they had, and many answers that will maybe break them, but Renjun wanted at least a memory to hold on to.

_Please, choose me._

“Keep me… _keep me_.” As a last pray, that light mumble abandoned his lips.

This time, there was an answer.

Their foreheads pressed together, as a kiss.

“I can’t.”

One.

Two.

Three.

Jeno pushed himself apart from Renjun.

In a fraction of a second, Renjun did not doubt to grab him.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Jeno spoke.

“I will hurt you.”

Renjun almost laughed. _Almost_.

_You already did._

“It’s… okay.”

Renjun… understood.

_I’m too scared to be alone._

_I don’t want to be alone._

_I want what everyone has._

_I want lov-_

_No, you can’t give it._

Resignation.

_How can he love someone like him? Someone so broke and rotten._

“It doesn’t matter.”

The alpha was moving his head. As if he was trying to dissipate the fog that was trying to cloud his mind.

“Jeno, please. Come.” He started to tug his wrist to drag him back to bed. Jeno stumbled a little bit.

Without missing a beat, Renjun propped himself up and imprisoned the alpha in his arms.

_Don’t go._

_I’m lonely._

_I’m scared._

_Don’t go._

In a moment of desperation, Renjun did something he never thought he would ever do.

Something so low and embarrassing.

Jeno tried to take Renjun’s hands off him, but his legs got weak and his instincts maddened as Renjun’s pheromones reached his nose.

Every omega could do it. Releasing their pheromones was something… normal. He, not long ago, had managed to repress himself from releasing distressing scents. As it was in an alpha’s nature to know how to scent someone, it was in his nature to play with scents. Omegas could do it in order to calm someone down, to scent someone, to demonstrate belonging, or, in his case, to lure them. To drive them wild.

Oh, if Kun could see him.

Once, when they were children, Kun had come after school and told everyone in his family about a desperate girl trying to convince someone using her scent. Everyone laughed at her.

If Ten could see him, he’ll probably mock him. Ten had found his soulmate but refused to be marked. Now Renjun was doing something so deploring to keep someone else’s soulmate.

If _Donghyuck…_ if… he could not even dare to think about him.

They would leave him.

None of them knew. And they would never know about it. There was no need for them to know.

They fell on top of the bed. Renjun caged between him and the mattress. The air changed. It was intense. It was suffocating.

“Alpha,” he mewled into his ear.

He could sense an internal battle going on inside Jeno’s mind. A little of it in his scent.

_Don’t worry. I can do it. Let me do it. It’s…_

Renjun’s heart squeezed itself.

“It’s okay.”

He understood.

He… resigned.

“It’s okay. It’s okay…”

He might have resigned himself the second he had dragged Jeno to his apartment, the first time he did. The first, the second, to even allow him the third time… Perhaps he had lost his mind at some point then.

“It’s okay… You can do it... I’m yours… It’s okay… I love you...” A deep breath. The pieces of his heart could perforate his lungs. “Even if– _Even if you don’t love me._ ” It slipped so easily from his lips. “I’m yours… It is okay, it’s okay.”

He held Jeno’s face and started kissing every single spot he could. Their lips connected, and a growl left Jeno’s lips—even though Jeno was kissing him back.

“I’ll do it. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

The mantra was interrupted when Jeno disconnected their lips. With their lips grazing, he spoke.

“I hurt you.” A whisper.

One. 

Two.

He also whispered.

_“I love you.”_

His heart crushed into a million of tiny pieces, hearing himself lie again. But as long as he was not lonely…

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”  
  


Jeno knew it was not okay.

But he could not stop himself, even while knowing it was a mistake. He buried himself deep inside Renjun without properly undressing the other nor himself. He let himself be held hostage in Renjun’s claws, mourning every second when they were apart. 

Jeno knew it was not okay.

It was not okay, when the omega did not know that Jeno had already fallen for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something curious about this. I repeated a same line during all the chapters but this one. Any idea? Clue: It’s a question -the only dialogue on certain chapter. A question that had always been left unanswered and… the answer is here. 
> 
> Have you ever heard the song Malibu Nights by LANY? It kind of remind me of someone...
> 
> Take care!!!


	9. . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are things that can -are- left unanswered but will be addressed on the future (someday). Maybe not many, I think.  
> Thank you for the wait.
> 
> Thank you, Z

In the air, a muddy scent lingered.

Nothing new considering he lived on a rundown building. He had nothing to complain about. It was cheap, and that was what mattered.

The hinges of the door screeched the moment he entered. The cool air inside the room made him shiver.

Nothing new, considering that winter was approaching and that no sunlight entered the room.

His room.

He dropped his bag on the plastic chair in front of his desk. He did not bother to take his shoes off when he landed on his bed. Just one big step was the distance between the door and his bed.

Quite tragic.

He was thankful he was wearing his contacts because he knew that the frames of his glasses would have felt uncomfortable with his face plastered on the mattress.

The room was cold.

The air was muddy.

He was alone.

He was tired.

His phone vibrated in the pocket of his jeans.

“Jeno,” The vibrant voice of his friend resonated the moment he answered the call. Jeno was now pushing himself up from the bed, driving the whole weight of his body to his left arm. His friend only received a small groan as a confirmation that he was on the other side of the line. He was not fond of phone calls—among other things—and after some time his friend had known not to expect more. He understood. “Are you free tonight?”

Jeno was not the type to go out at all. But he knew that from time to time, it was alright to have some interaction with strangers. Or at least that was what Jaemin had been insisting for the last couple of months and, if he did not agree, his friend would send him pictures of the things he “had missed” every 5 minutes.

However, Jeno knew that Jaemin would not impose on him something that would make him uncomfortable. Jaemin always made sure Jeno felt alright in unfamiliar scenarios.

Which is the reason why he was glancing at him from the other side of the table, checking on him.

He had agreed to go with him.

Truth be told, he would have preferred to have Jaemin by his side. But Jaemin had other friends. So, he sent Jaemin an almost imperceptible smile, reassuring his friend that he was alright. Although he was surrounded by strangers that have tried to talk to him, who he had avoided by shoving fried appetizers into his mouth.

One of the many clubs that Jaemin was involved with had a certain gathering and, due to the lack of attendants, Jaemin had called for help. Jaemin had been the one in charge of organizing it, so… Jeno was stuck in a certain neighborhood on the northern part of the city, sharing a meal with photography enthusiasts.

The smoke in the place made him scrunch his nose.

It was one of those barbeque places.

He was also not fond of certain smells.

The lingering scent of meat being roasted lingered on his skin and clothes, giving him a small headache.

The opposite side of the table burst out into laughter, and Jaemin smiled proudly as someone patted his shoulder.

Jeno stared at his friend and the smiles of those around him. Then he felt remorseful for the small girl on his left side that had remained in silence after having introduced herself. Since he had not encouraged for the conversation to develop and was acting as a wall—blocking others with his body—for the girl to talk to anyone. No one was in front of them.

He noticed the curious gaze of the girl directed at the chattering caused by Jaemin.

He also noticed a crack of a smile from the girl, trying to pull the conversation in her head.

“Want–" He cleared his throat as the words were almost mute on his lips. The girl turned to him, and a pressure on his chest appeared.

_Want to trade seats? I’m alright sitting at the edge. Sorry for not knowing how to keep a conversation. I didn't want to be rude._

The girl kept waiting for him to talk.

He averted his eyes and focused on the meat being grilled in front of him.

Minutes passed, and he felt thankful that someone else had arrived, now sitting in front of them and keeping the girl entertained.

He excused himself from any interactions as he decided to be the one in charge of grilling the meat.

  
  
  


His eyes ached and were dry. He blinked, trying to dissipate the sensations, but it worsened with every passing second. Most people were done eating and were now chatting.

He… remained silent, unable to participate in the conversations by his sides. He had some remarks that would had been useful for the conversations, but he decided to keep quiet, not sure if it was alright for him to intrude.

The aching had reached a certain level of bothersome pain that it made him stand up.

Those that were close to him were quiet for a while at his sudden movement, but none of them said a thing, not asking where he was going.

Jeno understood that some characteristics of his personality gave him a cold aura.

Not many were willing to understand… or tried to understand.

He lowered his head as a little apology and rushed to the bathroom.

  
  


Jeno squeezed the lid of his contacts’ container. He felt glad to have stored his glasses in one of the pockets of his trench coat. Jaemin had nagged at him, telling him that he should have brought a coat since the weather forecast had said that the next days there will be a lot of light rains. He had always had a higher body temperature than many, but he promised Jaemin to not dress lightly from that moment on.

He scrunched his nose again, noticing that the smell of grilled meat was now, in fact, impregnated on his clothes, too.

“Here you are.”

Speaking of the devil.

“Everything alright?” Jamin asked, approaching him.

_The smoke irritated my eyes. The contacts were hurting my eyes, so I came to the bathroom to take them off. Yes, I know you always say that I shouldn’t wear my contacts for too long because my eyes always end up red; but, since you say that I will be meeting your friends, I wanted to look presentable. See, I even styled my hair. What do you think?_

Jeno nodded before putting the container in his pocket.

“Sure?” Jeno nodded again and cracked a small smile that conveyed all that Jaemin needed.

_I should have told you. Sorry for worrying you._

“Well…” Jaemin scratched under his left eyebrow. A tick that appeared whenever he was nervous or unsure. His friend cleared his throat. “They want to… go to another place.”

Silence.

_Oh? Okay, have fun. Thanks for inviting me. The food was good. I’ll go home now. Have fun. Thanks for inviting me, again. It was nice._

“Wanna come?”

_Is it alright? I don’t know them; wouldn’t they feel uncomfortable? You know I’m not good talking and mingling with others, I… you really want me to go?_

Jaemin stared at him intently. No answer yet.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to go,” Jaemin assured.

_But… you invited me. I think you want me to go._

_“_ Want… me to go?” His voice was quite raspy since he had not talk at all for hours.

Jaemin nodded quickly and enthusiastically.

“Yes.” Jaemin smiled. “You’ll like it. It’s a new place in the commercial zone.” His friend put his arm around his shoulders and started dragging him out of the bathroom.

_I don’t mind. You know I don’t go out at all. If you like it, it’s okay._

Before Jeno could take the courage to formulate what was in his mind, someone started calling his friend. Everyone was getting ready to go.

“Wait outside with them. I’ll be with you in a minute,” Jaemin instructed as he left him in order to talk with his other classmates. Jeno nodded and followed behind two girls chatting.

The exact moment he pushed the door to go out of the place, something startled him.

His phone was vibrating.

Shivers went down his spine.

Calls in the middle of the night were not something good. It hadn’t been something good for him most of the time.

It was not Jaemin, he had been with him less than a minute ago. So, the only option was…

_Dad?_

A little relief washed over him when he saw that it was not his father. But his stomach squeezed upon itself with the contact name, an option he did not even think was possible. 

_Renjun._

He blinked, confused.

Renjun never called…

They… he…

He took two big steps away from the group.

Without missing a beat, he answered the call.

He took a big breath, but he could not say a thing.

Confused… and nervous.

White noise.

Static.

Six seconds.

Before he got the chance to say the name of the omega, or anything at all, the call ended.

He stared at the screen.

He blinked confused… and nervous.

23:43.

That was the hour.

He glanced at the door.

No trace of his friend.

No one was paying attention to him.

He took another two big steps away from the group.

Without missing a beat, he called again.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Si-

“Renjun?” 

There was a taste of… worry on his lips.

One.

Two.

Someone laughed.

It was… distant.

“Renjun?” He asked again.

“ _Yah._ _Yah._ You were not supposed to do it. _Yah!_ ” It seemed that someone in the background was talking. It was not Renjun.

Another laugh.

Static.

Another laugh.

“…Injun- _ah_ , you idiot.”

_In…jun?_

Another laugh.

“… _Yah_. Where the heck is Mar–”

The call ended, again.

23:46.

He blinked.

23:47.

“Jeno.”

He was startled, again. He turned, and his friend was walking to his direction.

He tilted his head to the side, curious.

Jaemin stopped in his tracks. A frown on his face. The light of the screen coming from his phone turned off as the waiting time ended. Jaemin noticed it.

“Is everything alright?”  
  


The metal of the key felt too cold on his skin. So, as soon as he opened the door, he put it again inside his pocket.

Dark.

Cold.

Silent.

A little… scary.

The lights had not been turned on. The place was tinted with the strange orange color that the streetlights emitted. A cold breeze sneaked in from the window, even though it was closed.

He wet his lips with the tip of his tongue.

In the air, the traces of a sweet scent were dancing.

He closed the door behind him and, knowing too well the path, went inside the bedroom.

He was not there.

It felt scary.

The lights were off, and a strange mixture of the orangish light from the street lamps illuminated that room, too. Half of his face was tinted with the darkness of the room.

His eyes were now used to the lack of light.

Alone and surrounded by darkness.

It felt scary.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed. The cold creeped upwards to his feet.

It was… late.

He put his glasses on the nightstand next to the bed. Then, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

It was late.

  
  
  


His eyes shot wide open.

He blinked, trying to dissipate the dizziness.

He blinked, trying to make the image of the ceiling.

He instantly knew where he was.

It was not his side of the bed.

A groan left his lips as he buried his face on the pillow that was in his arms.

He closed his eyes.

The scent was sweet.

It was… fragile and soft.

A loud thud.

His heartbeat increased.

He quickly left the bed.

He rushed out.

The lights were still turned off.

The door of the apartment had been closed.

Renjun was on his knees right in the middle of the hall.

Without missing a beat, he called for him.

“Renjun.”

His eyes were used to the dark, making it easy for him to notice the confused look on the other’s face.

A fringe was covering part of his face. He kneeled in front of him.

“Hi?”

Weird.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Hi.”

One.

Two.

Three.

A small smile appeared on Renjun’s face.

Jeno took a deep breath and smoothed the hair out of his face.

The small smile was still there and a certain smell, too.

_Are you drunk?_

“Did… you get… hurt?” Renjun blinked, then proceeded to follow where his index finger was pointing at.

His knees.

He did not answer.

One.

Two.

Three

“Can you… stand up?”

No answer.

“Here.”

Renjun blinked at the hands stretched towards him.

Renjun stumbled on his feet as Jeno pulled him up.

He lost balance.

Jeno caught him.

Jeno’s nose also caught the mixture of smells that was trying to cover Renjun’s faint, sweet scent— alcohol and two different smells.

One was strong and earthy, as the first moments of rain.

An alpha.

The other one was warm, as bathing under the sunlight.

An omega.

Both of them stank.

Jeno did not even try to ask if he could walk. With a hand holding his waist, he helped him up and all the way to the bedroom.

Renjun had his eyes closed.

  
  
  


The pink sweater that Renjun was using ended up on the floor of the bathroom.

Jeno gulped.

The baby blue shirt also ended up on the floor.

Jeno rushed as Renjun slipped again.

“I’ll… do it,” he said, making Renjun sit. Jeno drew the curtain to the side as he drove his hand to the handle. He was waiting for the water to get warm when he felt his coat being pulled.

He turned and found Renjun holding the edges of his coat in his fists.

Renjun’s eyes were glassy, and red.

With only a glance, he understood what he had been asked.

Jeno did not say a thing as he also stripped from his clothes.

  
  
  


_“It’s hot.”_

It was what Renjun said, lying with his back against the wall trying to take off his clothes. After a couple of minutes of debate, they had both ended up inside the bathroom.

It was not the first time they had showered together. Jeno was not sure if Renjun remembered, but he usually ended up dragging the omega under the water during his second and third days of heat. Renjun never mentioned a thing.

That moment, noticing how he could not walk straight, he did not even question being there with him.

Even after all of that—showering together and much more—a tingling in the middle of his belly appeared as he looked at Renjun standing naked in front of him. Jeno knew that the rosy color of his cheeks was due to the alcohol. Even his nape was a little red.

The water from the shower plastered his hair all over his face. Both of them.

He was a little glad to be there.

The scent of grilled meat was disappearing from his skin.

He was a little glad that Renjun asked him to go inside with him, too.

The foreign scents on Renjun’s skin were also disappearing, thanks to him scrubbing the omega’s body.

His fingers pressed on his scalp, and Renjun let out a small moan.

_Yes, I know. You always like it like that._

He rinsed the shampoo off a minute later, the last step.

“Turn.” Using a hand as support against the wall, the omega did as he was told.

Jeno inspected if there were any traces of shampoo left on Renjun’s face. He had to brush up Renjun’s hair with his fingers for it to not fall on his face.

His eyes were closed, as he was dozing off.

“Done?” Jeno asked ready to turn off the water. He was not expecting an answer, but he was expecting to catch Renjun in case he lost balance. So, when Renjun’s body tilted to the front, he quickly put his arms around him.

Renjun tiptoed. He hid his face on the crook of his neck.

His arms encircled Jeno’s waist.

The water was still running, both of them hugging under the stream.

  
  
  


Jeno rubbed his eyes, tired.

He was sure anytime soon the sun was going to come up.

He helped Renjun onto the bed.

His hair was finally dry, and he seemed to be comfortable in the clothes Jeno had dressed him in.

Renjun quickly rolled to his side of the bed.

The cue for Jeno to turn off the light and approach the bed.

Renjun was facing the wall with his back turned to him. Trying to not move too much, he lifted the sheets and made his way inside it.

A tired sigh left his lips as he lied on his back, staring at the ceiling again.

He closed his eyes, but it did not last too long.

A rustling on his side made him turn his head.

Renjun was now facing him.

Renjun blinked staring at him.

Jeno turned on his side with a frown of confusion adorning his face.

_Are you still drunk?_

_Well, yes, but… sleep._

_You look tired._

He placed his hand on Renjun’s waist. It made its way under his clothes. His thumbs started to draw circles on the skin.

One.

Two.

Three.

_Would you remember this when you wake up?_

Renjun closed his eyes.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

_Did you know that you called me? It was the first time you’ve called me…_

_Why… was it the first time? Well, it doesn’t matter. You called. Why did you call? It doesn’t matter, too._

_It’s okay… if you call._

Jeno closed his eyes.

  
  
  


His head was throbbing, and the light sneaking through the window was too bright.

He assumed that he had only a couple of hours of sleep, both of them. But Renjun was rousing on his side.

“Hm?” The sound he wanted to convey was a mixture of _Is it something wrong? Are you okay? What happened?_

But in his drowsy state of lack of sleep and half-consciousness, he could not even completely open his eyes. He only sensed that some time during dawn, both of them had entangled their bodies—sharing the same space of one person. As if something normal, Jeno had ended up nestling on Renjun’s neck, with both of his arms covering his body.

Maybe Renjun was uncomfortable because his body had been caged by him, or maybe the bright light in the room was upsetting him. Jeno noticed a change in Renjun’s scent, something… distressing.

Jeno was more asleep than awake, so he only pushed himself and Renjun to the middle of the bed. Without disentangling their legs, he moved Renjun partially on top of him—laying him on his chest. One of his arms was on Renjun’s back, his other reaching the sheets and covering both of them from the light.

Renjun’s scent changed again, something… sweet, as usual.

Yeah, maybe it had been the light.

Jeno felt Renjun snuggle against his chest before falling asleep again.

  
  


His head was throbbing. The light sneaking in through the window was so dim.

Midday?

He had woken up because of the need to empty his bladder.

A sigh of discomfort left his lips.

A tickling on his nose and a sweet scent in it, too.

He carefully laid a still sleeping Renjun on the bed. Before leaving the bed, he tucked him in.

He opened the door, trying to be as quiet possible, but he soon he noticed there was no need since Renjun was rubbing his eyes, waking up.

Jeno had not checked the time yet, but he knew that it had already passed some hours after noon. The sky was not bright, it seemed that it will rain any time soon.

Renjun yawned, and Jeno noticed that the hairs on his left side were standing up. Jeno knew it was because he was using Jeno as a pillow.

His stomach squeezed onto itself, feeling those puffy eyes on him.

_Does your head hurt? Does anything hurt? Need me to bring something? Are you thirsty? Want to keep sleeping? Wh–Why do you look at me like that?_

“I–I don’t remember…” Renjun whispered, more to himself, driving his hand towards his head. He frowned and seemed disoriented.

Jeno approached him, still sitting on the bed, ready to give an explanation or do any task needed. He waited for Renjun to compose himself a little bit. But Renjun’s words made him still.

“Can–Can you stay?”

  
  


Jeno played with the cords of the green hoodie that was Renjun’s but became his usual clothing when he stayed there.

He had placed the food that Renjun had ordered on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. On the coffee table, in front of Renjun’s brown couch. He was sitting on the floor, waiting for Renjun to come out. His stomach grumbled; it was probably already 3 p.m., but Renjun was still in his bedroom. It was pretty common for them to share a meal when Jeno… stayed. So, when Renjun suggested for them to eat something, he quickly agreed.

It was not like he had somewhere else to be. Specially on a Saturday afternoon. On a rainy Saturday afternoon.

It seemed that the raindrops were knocking on the window, asking to be let in. The grey sky made the illusion that the time was later than the actual.

A door opened, and, seconds later, Renjun appeared.

The food was probably already cold, but Jeno only offered that weird mixture of a spoon and a fork that had come with the food for Renjun to take when he was already close enough.

Jeno arranged the spectacles that had slipped on the bridge of his nose before munching the food.

They ate in silence.

  
  


Renjun’s toothpaste tasted like bubblegum. It was because it was a toothpaste for children, and Jeno was glad because the others—the _adult_ ones—had never been his to taste.

He put his spare toothbrush next to Renjun’s and made sure to turn off the light before leaving the bathroom.

The rain had become stronger, the sky darker. A cool breeze was even sneaking in from every corner of the place.

The room in which he had slept in many times always had a different aura every time he was in it.

It felt kind of spooky that time.

Jeno was not sure if it had been caused by a distant thunder, or the fact that his clothes had been arranged on the bed.

Renjun had arranged them.

Again, another thunder.

And the next one startled Jeno. This time there was lightning, and it had been so close that it echoed in the place.

The lights flickered, and Jeno was sure that the electricity was going to go out.

Chills ran over his body.

“Jeno!” His name being called made him drop his clothes from his hands and rush outside the room.

In the middle of the hall, Renjun crashed against his chest.

In a place surrounded by darkness, with the storm as a background, they were in each other’s embrace.

  
  


“Did I do something weird?” Jeno glanced at Renjun over the rims of his glasses. They were sitting on the couch. The electricity had not returned yet, and outside it seemed that any time soon a flood was going to come as result of the rain. Jeno was wrapping a cover around Renjun’s shoulder after having noticed that he was slightly shivering. Jeno blamed himself for having dressed Renjun the previous night with only a short pair of pants and a loose t-shirt. He still had not changed them 

“Yesterday. Did I do something… weird?” Renjun repeated.

One.

Two.

“You don’t remember?”

A blush covered Renjun’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I–” Jeno put his hands on his thigh. Smoothing the skin, he managed to calm Renjun down. He had used that trick before.

Renjun always calmed down as soon as there was some sort of contact between them. A touch. A kiss.

“No, you did nothing… weird.” He cleared his throat. “Do you usually…” The question was left halfway.

“I’m not good… at drinking.”

Jeno hummed in response.

One.

Two.

“Did I–?” Renjun quieted himself down.

Jeno stopped massing the exposed skin. Renjun’s eyes were planted on his own hands. Jeno was still kneeling in front of him.

Before Jeno could ask for him to continue, another lightning flashed from outside. Renjun’s hands gripped on him hard before the thunder came.

He jumped.

One.

Two.

_You’re scared._

Their eyes connected. Renjun was flustered from embarrassment.

_Don’t be scared._

Jeno did not give Renjun time to say anything. He placed his glasses on the coffee table before lending and burying his nose in Renjun’s neck. Right in the place where his scent gland was.

Distress.

Fear.

He kissed the place once.

Twice.

Again.

Again.

He sucked it.

A kiss again.

A light bite.

His legs were getting numb.

Jeno pushed Renjun to lie down on the couch.

He crawled on top of him. Renjun made space for him in between his legs. The drawstrings of the green hoodie were hovering above Renjun’s collarbones. His whole weight was on his left arm, propping himself up.

Renjun’s chest rose and fell quickly.

His hands grabbed his thighs, asking him to tangle them around his waist.

Renjun did as he was expected.

Jeno pressed his body closer as Renjun put his arms around him.

He continued to kiss his neck.

Jeno left two purple marks on the right side of his neck before moving to the other side. Then, he started to rub the tip of his nose against it.

A kiss.

Another.

A light bite again.

He disentangled Renjun’s hands from around him and put them above his head.

Renjun kissed his wrist when it passed close to his reach. Instinctively, Jeno drove it back again close to him. And then, he also nuzzled there.

His scent… was sweet again.

That fragile and docile scent that Jeno needed to have close to him.

They locked eyes.

One.

Two.

_Don’t be scared._

_I’m here._

_I’m here._

  
  
  


His lips were throbbing.

Everything was throbbing.

He tried to catch his breath, but Renjun was faster and reconnected their lips.

Too much.

 _So_ much.

“Ren–” A growl left his lips as the fingers of the omega pressed against the fabric covering his hardening member. The hoarse sound did not scare the small boy. It made him more impatient. It had risen some sort of confidence in the boy to push his whole palm over the fabric and immediately grasp his dick. The friction made him buckle his hips, and the omega hushed him by biting his bottom lip.

His nose soon picked up the smell that started to drip from between the legs of the omega. He felt the wet sensation on his thighs rubbing against the omega’s core.

That made him fully erect.

And although he knew the touch of the omega by itself will make him come, he wanted more.

“No, wait.” His pushed himself up with arms, and the lack of proximity almost made him whimper. _Almost_.

The omega froze with his fingers lingering over the tip of his dick, legs spread enough and two wet spots on his short pants.

He also froze on top of him. His throbbing member was twitching, wanting to be touched again, but his mind recalled what made him stop.

_Last time, you ended falling from the couch. You bruised your elbow. I remember._

Renjun was panting.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Jeno gulped, looking at Renjun’s concerned eyes, glassy and clueless at the sudden stop. He gulped again and groaned as the back of Renjun’s hand brushed the bulge on his pants.

_Trust me, you never could._

His erratic heartbeat and the warmth all over his body was what he tried to concentrate on, not on the fact that he was kneeling in between Renjun’s leg. Renjun, whose hair was disheveled, his shirt lifted up, allowing Jeno to observe the pale skin of his belly. His lips were red and glossy, thanks to Jeno light bites. The purple marks all over his neck were also his doing, and he was partially responsible for the tightening between the shorts of the small boy.

“Jeno?” His voice trembled, and Jeno noted the change of his smell. It was subtle, but enough for Jeno to burst his next words without thinking.

“Bedroom.”

Renjun’s chest expanded, as if he had been holding the air in his lungs.

“Up.” And without wasting another second, Jeno manhandled him to the bedroom. Renjun’s arms were wrapped around his neck, and the small boy started to nuzzle his nose on where his scent gland was. It took all of his self-restraint to not drop Renjun in the middle of the hall or bang him against the closest wall.

Jeno tried to not crush Renjun under his weight as they reached the bed. He tried to put him down, but Renjun was clinging onto him as if in any moment Jeno would disappear.

_I won’t._

“Renjun-” he tried to say, as the smaller one kept leaving kisses on the crook of his neck. Jeno repressed a growl as Renjun’s fingers entangled into his hair and, without him noticing, tugging it. That and that half of his dick was free from any restraint, grinding on the fabric of Renjun’s too-big shirt.

Renjun moaned as Jeno dragged his hands over his head—pinning him on the bed. He did not use enough strength to leave marks, but enough to tell him to stop holding him.

He even disentangled his legs from Jeno’s waist.

Renjun chest rose and fell quickly. Jeno was supporting himself up with his left arm and his knee in between Renjun’s thighs.

The rain had stopped minutes ago, or some time in between their kisses. Any time soon one of the street lamps outside will turn on, or the electricity would come back again. The sky was darker with every blink. Jeno did not move at all, and, even with the lack of light, he noticed that Renjun had become worried… again.

Jeno remained immobile.

_Why do you always become nervous when I stop? It’s not that I will stop. I won’t… unless you want me to stop. I… just want to see you for a bit. You’re pretty. I just want to… admire you… before I drown in you._

Renjun chest rose and fell quicker. They were close enough for Jeno to feel the other’s heavy breathing.

It was not impatience.

It was fear.

As soon as Jeno freed his wrist and pushed himself away from him, Renjun whimpered. In a fraction of a second, Renjun had risen from the bed, reaching to grab his hoodie’s sleeve.

One.

Two.

Three.

Renjun clenched the fabric as Jeno did not move, again. Their eyes locked for a couple of seconds, and Jeno was sure Renjun blushed, embarrassed as he did not stop holding onto his sleeve.

Jeno took a deep breath.

_I won’t go, if that’s what you’re afraid of._

He suspected the words would have helped a bit, but he did not utter them.

Renjun flinched when Jeno took his hand.

_Don’t worry._

He took both of Renjun’s trembling hands and dragged them to the hem of his green hoodie. With a single glance, Renjun understood. He quickly helped Jeno take it off and, soon, his sweatpants too.

Jeno’s hands were on his waist. Renjun slightly trembled, although he was the one who was still dressed. Jeno was standing next to the bed, while Renjun was kneeling on the bed. Both right in front of each other.

_See? I’m here._

Jeno did not dare to move. Renjun chewed on his bottom lip—half impatient, half unsure.

Jeno did not wait for any questions and slowly removed his hands from his waist and slowly removed his clothes, too.

 _Sorry for blushing, but you are... you are_ you _. I can’t help it._

Jeno let Renjun push him onto the bed.

As he always did, Jeno grabbed one of Renjun’s hands. He intertwined their fingers together and did not let it go.

Not after Renjun kissed him breathless, and everywhere. Not after he turned them over, pinning Renjun onto the mattress. Not after tears appeared on Renjun eyes. Not after he pulled out a second before coming, creating a mess on him and Renjun, avoiding knotting him. Not after enclosing Renjun in his arms while he left small kisses all over his lips.

He never let go of his hand.

Renjun’s nails in his free hand had dug deep into his back. They had left deep scratches on it, and Jeno thought it was fair, since all of Renjun’s chest was full of light bites and purple marks.

Renjun was using his arm as a cushion for his head, and he had nothing to complain about.

It started raining again. Just a faint sound reached his ears.

The night had arrived.

Renjun was dozing off, quite lethargic. His expression was tired, but he looked calm.

His scent was still alluring, but… also sweet.

Jeno noticed that there were traces of the tears on his cheek. He used his thumb to rub his cheek. Renjun purred at the contact and nuzzled against his palm.

Jeno tried to put the fringe that was on Renjun’s face behind his ear, but it fell again, covering his eyes.

Silence.

Peace.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Jeno kissed him again, and a smile slipped from his own lips.

  
  
  


It was cold outside.

The street lamps were lit up.

A faint mist still covered the sky.

He was sure he was going to end up with his clothes wet by the time he reached the station.

He should had listened to Jaemin and not had used a trench coat. But the day before, when he left his home, he did not expect it to rain, nor that he would be spending the entirety of the following day outside.

Knowing too well how bothersome the mixture of rain and glasses was, he took them off. He lowered his head and quickly left the entrance of the building.

Four blocks were the distance to the station.

Crossing the first street had flattened and soaked his hair.

By the second block, someone called his name.

His vision was blurry, but he recognized the voice.

“Jeno,” Renjun panted as he approached him with an umbrella. He could barely make out his silhouette and only at the moment he was being covered from the rain did the face of Renjun become clear.

His stomach squeezed itself up. Less than five minutes ago, he had said goodbye, and now…

Renjun placed the umbrella over his head, shielding him from the rain.

The streets were almost deserted. The rain had probably scared many into taking shelter somewhere.

“It started raining again when you left.”

He was short of breath; he must have ran.

A drop of water made its way to his temple, tickling his cheek, and disappeared as it reached his neck.

Jeno stared at him.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Take it,” he said, offering the umbrella, pushing the handle to his chest.

One.

Two.

He quickly noticed.

_But you only brought one. You’re going to get sick if you…_

“One.”

Renjun frowned. It took him a couple of seconds to understand. Embarrassment tinted his cheeks immediately.

“I–I will change once I get home. It’s easier for me, but you’re–” His words died when a breeze of cold air came. It made him shiver.

Jeno’s nose caught certain scent brought with the cold.

His own.

His own scent on Renjun’s skin.

He was sure that Renjun’s scent was on him too.

Renjun pushed the umbrella for him to reach and, without waiting for him to catch it, he turned with a small farewell, trying to run away.

The umbrella fell to the floor, and he caught Renjun, encircling his hand on his wrist.

_You fool. I also don’t want you to get sick._

With fluid movements, he grabbed the umbrella and pulled Renjun under his arm.

“You’re already drenched.” It was the only comment that Renjun made as he hugged him. And the only thing that was said as they walked under the rain.

  
  
  


“Sure? I can–” He moved his head.

_Don’t worry. Go inside. I know you can’t handle the cold. I’m alright._

It appeared that it had only started to rain with the purpose of getting him drenched, since now no other drop fell from the sky. But Jeno still held the umbrella, knowing that Renjun was going to be distressed if he didn’t. Renjun bit his bottom lip.

“Go.”

Renjun nodded, not before he sighed, and opened the door of the entrance.

Jeno turned and tried to walk away.

He gave two steps before turning around, knowing Renjun was still outside, watching him depart.

His vision was blurry. He could only see an unfocused image of Renjun’s face, but he was sure there was concern on it.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Thank you… for staying.”

Everything stopped.

One.

Two.

Three.

Realization.

_I wanted to stay._

“I–” The words died on his lips.

_I don’t want to go, honestly._

“Jeno?”

_I don’t want to go._

A warm sensation ran over his body. He forgot to breath for a second.

Renjun was pretty. Beautiful. Renjun… was…

“Is it something wrong?” Renjun asked.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

_Did you know you called me?_

_It was the first time you had called me…_

_Why… was it the first time?_

_Well, it doesn’t matter._

_You did call._

_Why did you call?_

_It doesn’t matter, too._

_It’s okay if you call._

_I… will answer._

_I… will always answer for you._

“Can I come tomorrow?”

Renjun, still holding the door open, smiled at the request.

  
  
  


Renjun waited for him the next day.

He went and bought freshly baked bread, in case Jeno came during the morning.

Close to the middle of the day, Renjun rushed to the closest market to buy things for their lunch, in case Jeno came during the afternoon.

Renjun warmed the food around 8 p.m., in case Jeno came to spend the night.

Jeno never came.

  
  


His dad had called him around dawn that day.

Something had happened, as it had a hundred times before.

Jeno had to leave for the next few days.

Then, he spent the next days after catching up on all the things that had piled up.

Jeno wanted to apologize. He wanted to see Renjun’s eyes and say that he was sorry for leaving without a word, for all the times he had.

He could not do it.

Renjun’s heat had come in the afternoon. He was already lost the moment Jeno arrived in the night.

The apology had been forgotten, as it always had.

They were always forgotten the moment Jeno enclosed Renjun’s body in his arms, since on his mind the only thing present was…

_I’m here, my… love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, once Jeno half-sleep had called Renjun love. Yeah, Renjun thought he had mispronounced his name as LONjun.


End file.
